


Run, rabbit run

by Ulreksivaas



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: 24 doubting herself lmao, Awkwardness, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic, Masturbation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Modern Girl in Thedas, More tags to be added, Mutant Powers, Rehabilitation, Romance, Science, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sensuality, Smut, Speed Dating, Suicidal Thoughts, Telekinesis, Telepathy, Vaginal Sex, Witches, fast burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulreksivaas/pseuds/Ulreksivaas
Summary: "It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop.. ever, until you are dead."24 was becoming more comfortable with her birth name being said by Cullen. Dorian rarely said it, only in passing. During their alone time, usually playing chess, he would say it. However, she would scold him and remind him of what she liked to be called: 24. That was her name now. It was what was given to her. 0X-24. Compound 10, room 24. It was who she was, what she was meant to be. Nothing more than a number that was tattooed onto her skin, a memory of living in that drab room for five years of her life.SEE CHAPTER 10(a tale of a human experiment who transmutes herself to Thedas after escaping her human abusers)
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	1. Dark World

**Author's Note:**

> pls be kind lmao. this is a prologue that's in first person

Sometimes I can still feel it. The burning of the chemo into my skin they forcefully gave me. The black and mottled scars on my arms from the IV infusions were proof to show for it. Sometimes I can still feel the burning of the building, see the melting faces of the scientist that opposed me. Do I regret it? Yes and no. I do not like killing, but they abused me long enough. I was kidnapped at 15 whenever my mother sent me to a home for depressed children. I was depressed due to my abusive and neglectful home life. What was worse though? Being abused or being mutilated by scientists?

Sometimes I wonder if I should've just killed myself. It would've been easier than living in the hell I was burdened to be in. I am more depressed know than I have ever been. But where did it start?

\- 5 years ago -

"What do you want from me?" I asked in an alarmed tone as the scientist that was man-handling me threw me into a dark and drab room. "Let me go! I want to go home.." I was pleading at this point. How did I even get here? Why was I here? "Shut the fuck up, kid.", the scientist said before grabbing me by the collar of my hospital gown, "Sometimes I don't know why we bring brats like you here. All we do is here you bitch and moan about how you want to go home. Sometimes I think it would be better if we just killed you now!" He threw me onto the ground and slammed the door shut. The room was completely barren and quite cold. I shivered and hugged my legs close to me. What did they want with an overweight 15 year old anyway?

The next day wasn't any easier. They began refusing me food and made me stay in that room all day. Suddenly, a tall, bald scientist walked in. "Ah, 0X-24! Glad to see you're up! Come on then, we have much to do." I was quite confused. Why did he call me that? I have a name! I quickly followed him, watching a security guard shut the door to my prison. The room number read '24', which I am guessing is my name now. "You must begin the testing!"

\- 3 years ago - 

I have been here for 2 years now. I was no longer overweight, but underweight. They barely fed me, and when they tried to, I refused. Sometimes they would tube me and force some liquified solution into my stomach. That day the head scientist came to get me, he explained everything that was going to happen to me. I was to be experimented on, along with 23 others, to become super soldiers. I thought it was quite stupid. Everyone was the same age as me, and most of them were males. I didn't get to talk to them, though. I seemed to be treated the worse due to my defiant attitude. 

"Allen, when will the day be over? I'm tired." I whined as I fired the AR-15 at the cardboard cutouts. The head scientist ignored me and motioned for me to continue. They didn't like when I called them by their first name, but I thought it was funny to annoy them. "That's it, I'm done." I dropped the AR carefully and began walking towards the hallway. However, a security guard, Bruce, grabbed me by my hair and threw me onto the ground. Allen bent down and looked into my eyes. "You're done when we say you're done, bitch." Quite the normal life for a 17 year old, huh?

\- 1 year ago -

I was now 19 years old and in the worst shape I have ever been in. They had done brain surgery on me yesterday for a reason unknown. I feel.. different. I now lay on a concrete slab, awake mind you, while they were replacing my organs one by one with 'super organs' I guess. The pain was white hot, and I was beginning to get a migraine. I could feel my blood dripping onto the floor and pooling around the scientists. "The heart, please." They had hooked me up to a machine to keep my blood circulating during this process. I could feel them carefully cut my old heart out while stitching my vessels to the new one. Was this even possible? I don't think so. When they were done, they stitched me back together. I looked down and there was a deep black scar running from my trachea down to my pelvis. What the fuck did they do to me? Why was it black? I am actually fed up with this. But, before I could do anything, I passed out.

\- 6 months ago -

I was probably 70 pounds at this point. They had put me on chemotherapy because the new organs started mutating and causing cancer to wrack my body. All of my hair has fallen out at this point, and I can feel myself slipping away day by day. I really wish I could just kill myself at this point to end the pain, but something was stopping me. 

I collapsed onto the ground and closed my eyes. Maybe this was it! I felt arms around me while others were pulling my IVs out. I must be dead. I felt myself being carried and then placed into a pool of warm, black water. "This is our last hope, men." I heard Allen say before closing the lid to the pool. It was black. I felt no pain, actually, I didn't feel much of anything really. I slowly let myself slip into a slumber, praying I would never wake up.

\- 5 months ago - 

I felt a power surge through me like none before. I collected myself and blew the lid off the pool, startling the scientists around me. I stood up and looked around at their surprised faces. I was furious that I was not dead. The lightbulbs around me started shattering and catching on fire. I was confused. Was that me? My affect went to a curious state as I looked around. "It worked!" Allen exclaimed. What worked?

\- 3 months ago - 

I quickly regained my strength and began training again. They let me use my newfound powers for training as well. However, that meant I could use them to hurt them too. It started slowly, I would break the fingers of the guards and they would have no idea who had done it. I would also break light bulbs and have the glass shatter around them. Fun stuff. 

\- 1 hour ago -

I sprinted into my room and slammed the door shut, breathing heavily in preparation for the shit storm that was about to come. The guards began pounding on the door. I had enough. I stood up and knocked the door off the hinges telekinetically and crushed the guards against the opposing wall. Good, they deserve to die. I quickly ran to the lab part of the compound and stared at all the guards as well as their guns. The room began burning, the red hot flame surrounding them as well as the scientists. I had enough. I saw their melting faces screaming in terror as the flame swallowed them whole. I finally became strong enough to overcome my fears, my hesitation, and my obedience.

I grabbed the binder that contained my documents as well as some extra clothes and ran to the other rooms to began igniting them as well, intending to burn the whole compound to the ground. However, the flames were getting closer to me as well. I closed my eyes as I felt the flames continuing to consume me and teleported away from the building. However, I did not realize where I had teleported to.

\- Present -

My surroundings were peaceful enough. It looked like grasslands with hills and houses. The green light that brought me here quickly vanished and I was left alone. I felt no remorse at this moment. My kidnappers were destined to die anyway. I heard the rushing of the grass and the pounding of feet coming towards me. Standing up, my grey eyes scanned the area and saw people in strange clothing rushing towards me. Were these losers larping or something?

"Who the fuck are you guys?" I said in a sarcastic tone. "Can you tell me where I am?" They looked confused. There was an elf with a staff, a tan man with a fancy mustache, and a man with light, fair skin who seemed to be ginger. 

The ginger one was the first one to speak. "You are in the Hinterlands. We will not answer anything until you tell us who, and what, you are." Well, that's not what I expected. I wasn't so keen on telling my whole life story to these strangers. 

"Uhh.. my name is 24, and I'm a human. Happy?" That was all I was going to give them. 

"What a strange name. My name is Theodore, Theo for short. These are my companions.. Solas and Dorian. We are from the Inquisition." This was all so stupid! Can they stop acting yet? I scanned them once more and nodded my head. "Well.. Theo.. what now? I have no home, and nowhere to go. All I have is my book and clothes." I was desperate for salvation at this point. "Well, you can come with us. The Inquisition always needs more helping hands." Again, this was stupid. But, I decided to go along with them. The elf was giving me an odd look, so I decided to stare him down as well before returning my gaze to the man who was speaking to me.

"Okay, Theo, you have a deal."


	2. Being Accustomed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eee this is so bad im so sorry lmao
> 
> pls have mercy

The journey began with silence for 24 and her newfound companions. She sometimes wondered during this pointless journey, wondering about what would've happened if she had just slit her wrists and be done with it. She could imagine the site, a pool of crimson red surrounding her while her arms are cut open. But that was in the past. Now, she had to focus on the here and now. Well, speaking of the here and now..

"So, uh, Inquisition right? What exactly is that?" She asked, green eyes full of confusion and lack of interest. The three companions turned around and stared at her incredulously as if saying 'are you fucking kidding me?'.

"You don't know what the Inquisition is? Darling, now I am _extra_ suspicious." The man.. Dorian, said while giving her a strange look. The bald elf stared at her and blinked, not quite sure what to make of her yet. "Of course she doesn't know what the Inquisition is. Look at her. Her clothes, hair, build.. she can't be from around here." The bald elf said, giving a knowing smirk. The wind blew around them as she balled up her fists, ready to explode with fury. "Can't you just explain it to me without questioning my whole existence? Why would I even tell you anything? I barely know you all!" 24 said with a hoarse voice, trying to contain her explosive attitude. The three looked at each other and nodded before they began explaining what the Inquisition was... simply. "Well," Theo began, "The Inquisition is a band of soldiers and mages who are meant to figure out and fight that." He said as he pointed to the sky.

The green abyss in the horizon looked like the light that surrounded 24 whenever she came to this place. Could that have been it? Did this abyss suck her in and spit her out in some unknown land where everyone seemed to be... from a different time period. "Mages?" She said, looking at all of them with their staves. "Like witches and warlocks?" They had to contain their laughter as they started moving again, chuckling amongst each other and giving her amused looks. "Sure, that's it." She was not satisfied with that answer, but she didn't feel like prying anymore.

The journey became silent again. Her guess was that it was early morning. Well, that was if the sun had the same rotation here. Was this earth even? She didn't want to know. 24 hasn't been this confused since 0X-14 attacked her for no reason. Her best guess was that the medications turned him feral and he went crazy. They tussled for a little bit before he bit her with his sharp, shark like teeth. He then began reaching for her throat, but, before he could she sunk her claws into his own throat and ripped out his trachea. A mess of mucus and blood sprayed everywhere as he was unable to breathe, giving one last look before he passed away. That day, 24 vowed to never kill again. So much for vows, huh?

"When we arrive to home base, you will meet Cullen, Josephine, and Cassandra to get you oriented. Dorian will then show you to your cottage and Solas will give you any information you need." Theo said as he gave 24 a sideways glance. Cullen? That was not a name that was from her time it seemed. 24 did not particularly enjoy being around a band full of men who were sweaty and wearing weird garments. Men were the reason she was like this, a freak. A mutation. She was a monster.

"Alright. Say, where can I get fancy clothes like you guys? Mine are a little.. drab." She looked down at her outfit and sighed. Combat boots and a hospital gown. She looked freakish probably. Buzzed white hair, black claws, hospital gown, frail build, what else? Oh, right, the gigantic scar spanning from her trachea to her pelvis. Only part of it was visible, however. "Yes darling, your clothes are by far the most horrific things I have ever seen! Such a bad day for the fashion industry. Say, where did you even get those?" Dorian said as he smoothed down his mustache. No, she couldn't tell them. They wouldn't understand. "Uhh..," She began, unsure what to say, "I found them in a house I was staying in. An abandoned house. Full of monsters." It wasn't necessarily a lie, her compound _was_ full of monsters to say the least. Dorian nodded and kept walking. "And don't call me _darling_ , it's rude! I don't even know you!" One of the scientists used to call her darling and it got on her last nerve.

Dorian gave her a sideways glance and kept walking. "You've got some spunk in you, girl.. I like it. No, I love it!" She hated this. This.. man.. was annoying. Theo was annoying. The silent elf was annoying! She should've just ran away to Ohio or something, someplace where no one would find her. Then again, she did have a tracking chip in her. She'd have to take care of that when they get to where they were going, though.

She didn't want to think about the last five years of her life. The abuse, the trauma, the illnesses, the nightmares. 24 guessed she hasn't slept in maybe 5 days. It was a miracle she wasn't dead yet. Speaking of dead, she could die right now from the cold it seems. She hoped this place wasn't far. As if he was reading her mind, Solas began to speak. "We are almost at Haven. First we will go to where our commander is and then get you some gear so you don't freeze to death. That would be gruesome wouldn't it?" He was very pompous she gathered. Almost too pompous. 

Another hour passed and they stood in front of large gates and nodded to each other. "Welcome to our home!" Theo said as he pushed open the gates. There were people doing work everywhere. Men, women, children. Elves, humans. This is one big larping session, huh? 24 was beginning to think this wasn't a larp anymore. 

"Nice place you've got here." 24 said as they began walking to what seemed to be a church. Theo nodded as they stepped through the doors. There seemed to be priests and priestesses all around the place. Religious, it seemed. Statues and paintings littered the church in an almost beautiful fashion. They walked through another pair of doors and there were three people standing around a table with a map on it. _These must be the people Theo was talking about._

A woman with cropped hair and a scar looked at 24 with a displeased look. "Theo, who is this and why have you brought them here?" She sounded angry, it seems like. 24 stared at all three of the people and bowed her head in respect. "Uh.. my name is uh.. 24 and umm.. Theo found me in the Hintylands? Hintalands?" She couldn't remember the name honestly. She stared at 24 angrily before turning to Theo. "That only answers one of my questions. Why are you here?" Theo looked at her and rolled his eyes. "C'mon Cassy, lighten up! She's here to help." Cassandra rolled her eyes back at him and sighed in defeat. The man, Cullen, looked at 24 with bewildered eyes. "Well, we could always use a helping hand. Can you fight?" His voice was gruff and.. attractive to 24. She could fight, it was what she was designed to do. "Yes, it's my, uh.. specialty. Hand to hand." Cullen nodded but kept his gaze on 24 for far too long to be considered comfortable. 

"Welcome, 24. My name is Josephine and we are very glad to have you here." 24 didn't believe her, but it was a good attempt. A frail arm extended itself towards Cullen for him to shake. The man hesitated, but took her hand in his and shook. "It's nice to meet you all. But if you don't mind.. I need clothes and a bath. I must look absolutely hideous right now." She wasn't wrong. Her short, buzzed white hair was caked in dirt and soot, as well as her gown and boots. Theo nodded and ushered her through the door before anyone could say anything else. But, 24 could feel something between them. A spark maybe? It was weird. 24 had never been in a relationship before and had never really payed much attention to the opposite sex. She did feel giddy, however.

After being oriented to her new cottage by Dorian, 24 collapsed onto the bed and sighed. "This is all so stupid!" She exclaimed tiredly. However, she didn't notice someone enter after Dorian had left. "Uh.. excuse me." Someone, a male, coughed out. "I would like to talk about training you.. if that's alright." 24 jumped up and dashed over to grasp Cullen by the throat before he could even react. Her heart seemed to stop as she looked into what seemed to be the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen.. not that she looks into too many people's eyes. "What the hell are you doing in here?" She said as she released him. Cullen looked at her in a shocked state and started stuttering. "Oh.. uh.. I.. didn't mean to intrude.. I should've knocked first. I apologize. However, this needs to be discussed before you can go out on the front lines." His face was beet red and 24 turned around and wiped a hand down her face. _God, this is so embarrassing,_ she thought. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react like that. It's a, uhm, reflex. Hehe..." A fake laugh. Nice one.

Cullen waved a hand to accept her apology and threw her a wooden sword. "You said you're good on hand to hand combat, but how good are you with a sword?" He smirked and drew his own. 

24 raised her wooden sword and returned the smirk. "Let's do this."


	3. Suicidiality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian discovers 24's secret, making them grow closer. Cullen and 24 also grow closer :,)
> 
> TW suicide, self harm, gore

A few days have passed since that moment. Cullen began to grow fond of 24 and her rambunctious personality. 24 was also growing fond of Cullen, despite him being more than a decade older than her. Something about him made 24's heart flutter almost in a stupid, girlish way. She had never really had experience with boys since she was taken at 15. However, this wasn't going to deter her from being interested. However, she would have to have that remain a secret. Who would be interested in her, anyway? If they knew her secret... they would fear her. The telekinesis, the telepathy, the pyrokinesis.. the list goes on. She was a freak. She began changing into the clothes she brought with her after a much needed bath. Simple black skinny jeans and a tight, black turtleneck with combat boots. The turtleneck helps hide the scars of her past, and the jeans were merely comfortable. She looked at herself in the mirror and began to sob. "I'm such a fucking freak!" Anger began coursing through her veins like white hot fury. It hurt, almost, the black blood circulating through her body as her frustration grew. "Now, why do you say that?" A charming voice came from the front door of her little cabin and it caused her to whip around to look at the perpetrator. It was Dorian. Of course. She wiped her eyes and stared him down. "You wouldn't understand! Get out of here!"

She began pacing and throwing things in a fit of fury at herself. Why was she this way, why was she so traumatized? There's so many other people who have been though worse! He merely stared at her in worry and stepped closer. "Don't take another step..." She held a threatening glare. Her anger was too much at this point and the mirror shattered spontaneously. Dorian looked over at it and took a step back from her, unsure of what she wasn't about to do. She grabbed a shard of glass and gripped it in her hand to the point where obsidian black blood was oozing out of her veins. They made her like this, those monsters. Her blood was black, her nails were black. Her hair was white and curly from the chemo. Why did this happen? Why her? The pain was too much and she held the shard to her throat. "Don't come closer. I'll fucking do it. I'LL KILL MYSELF RIGHT HERE AND NOW BECAUSE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!" She screamed as the shard began piercing the skin of her neck, more black blood oozing onto the floor and herself, blending into her black clothes.

Dorian widened his eyes and opened his mouth, unsure of what to say. No witty remark could get him out of this one. "24.. I understand. The pain of living gets too much to bear sometimes but please.. please don't do this. Life is too much worth living. How would this effect Thea? Cullen? Me?" She faltered for a moment before slitting her neck and effectively cutting open her trachea. Dorian screamed as she collapsed to the floor and cradled her in his arms. "24, please! No!" He didn't think any healing magic would help this. A single tear ran down his cheek as more of her blood was spilling onto him. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she screamed, crawling away from him. She grabbed the shard of glass and began repeatedly stabbing herself in the stomach. "Why. Won't. I. Die!" Nothing was working. What did they do to her? Dorian looked at her in worry and bewilderment as he just had her laying in his arms dying not even a minute ago. "Nothing's working! NOTHING!" She collapsed and began sobbing on the floor. The pain was minuscule compared to the tightness of her throat and the cracking sensation of her heart. "I don't want to live like this anymore, Dorian. I can't do it.." She sobbed as she laid in a puddle of her own blood. Dorian had no idea what to do since what he just witnessed was unlike anything he had seen.

"24..," He began, "What and who are you?" Probably not the best question. She continued sobbing as she stood up and went to the drawer to retrieve her medical records. He had seen too much to not know the truth. She handed him the binder and sat on the floor, not bothering to clean it up. Dorian opened the binder and looked at the picture of her pre-kidnapping and tilted his head.

_Julia Martin - Age 15_

_Birthdate: 04/05/2000_

_Weight: 100 kg_

_Height: 152 cm_

There were various notes scattered throughout the binder of what happened to her and how she became like this.

_April 10th, 2015_

_We finally did it. 24 perfect specimens added to our collection to become the greatest weapon alive. Most of them will not survive the testing, but it's worth it._

_June 21st, 2017_

_Half of them are dead by now, they did not survive the fitness testing. But 24.. she is resilient._

Dorian kept reading with his eyes widened as he got to the page with her surgery.

_The surgery went well. 24 and one other are the only ones left. We successfully replaced her organs, sans brain, with our own blend of mutated organs. Her blood is now black, however, a side effect of the procedure. This is it. Our perfect specimen.. if she survives._

_Three months have passed and cancer has metastasized from her kidneys to her lungs, skin, liver, and stomach. We started her on bolus' of chemotherapy to reverse the cancer and hopefully treat it, as well as treating the rejection. She is now 31.8 kg and cannot keep anything down. Dr. Allen and Dr. Martinez are working tirelessly to get her back into shape to fight for the U.S.A during the next great war._

_We have tried everything but the cancer has unfortunately spread to her brain. Various attempts at surgical procedures have been done but to no avail. They just seemed to change her personality. Dr. Allen has suggested we put her into the pool that once healed 14. So we did._

_She is now awake and cancer free. However, she has developed extrasensory powers. We must hone these before they get out of control._

_She is now not able to pass away. Her cells regenerate too quickly for her to die physically. This is a problem, but also a great feat._

The notes ended there. 24, Julia, has stopped crying at this point and was just waiting for Dorian to say something. "Well," He began, "Quite the life you've had." She nodded and took a deep breath, carefully calculating on what she had to say. "If you tell anyone I will have to leave. Please don't do that.. I like the friends I have made here." She was thinking about threatening to kill him, but she didn't want to do that. Killing wasn't on her mind anymore. She looked into his eyes and pleaded, crystalline tears threatening to spill. "Well, _Julia,_ I won't tell anyone. But why would you hide this from us, darling? Your past has been troubled and a bit weird slash foreign, yes, but that's no reason for us, well.. at least me, to not want you here." She closed her eyes and let a single tear roll down her cheek. "Thank you." She was forever grateful for this wonderful man she could now call a friend. However, she never wanted Cullen to find out.. that would wreck her imaginary chances with him. 

"Now we just have to figure out how to clean this up." She said, looking at the blood on them and all over the floor.

A few more days have passed and she wore a ribbon to cover up the now healing scar on her neck. No one could find out. No one but Dorian. The 'Herald', Theo, especially couldn't find out. She trusted him, but worst case scenario was that he'd use her just like the scientists used her. 24 was now walking around Haven as she spotted Solas coming up to her. "24, I believe we need to speak." She rolled her eyes and turned to face him. The fondness she held for Cullen, Theo, and Dorian was not the same as she felt for Solas. He got on her nerves too much. "Not now, Solas. Please." He shook his head and stepped closer. "I believe that I found a way for you to help the Inquisition other than being a petty foot soldier with Cullen." He began as 24 prepared for a rant about how great he was. "You are akin to mages, you see, and I believe if we hone your abilities, then we will be able to use you. Don't think I don't see you summoning fire to keep you warm when you're outside. You, my friend, are outed." Rage was building in her once again but she had to contain it. Not in public. "I know what you are, 24." She felt her veins freeze at his statement as she stood still, waiting for him to continue. Did Dorian tell him? "A mage." She breathed a sigh of relief and looked at the ground. "Solas, I am completely aware of my abilities and how to control him. People are afraid of witches... mages, right? Why would I want them to know that." Her patience was wearing thin.

"This will help us, 24! Imagine the possibilities of finding artifacts and discovering what the Fade can do for you." She wanted to explode at this point. "No, Solas! Leave me alone right now!" She ran out of the gates of Haven and into the forest, only to find a familiar face inspecting the horizon. Cullen.

"H-Hi, Cullen." She stuttered, running the fabric of her tunic around her fingers. Startled, he turned to face her and gave a small smile. "Ah, 24. Ready to train today?" He said with a smirk. No, she was not ready. She was still recovering from slitting her own throat open and stabbing herself multiple times. "No.. I just thought that we could maybe.. hang out today?" He widened his eyes at that as his face started turning crimson. 24's own face was turning a slight shade of gray, which she tried to ignore. "O-Oh, uh, sure. Uhm, where w-were you thinking?" He coughed in embarrassment at his own stuttering. "Maybe grabbing a bite to eat? I'm starving!" Healing was taking a lot of energy from her and she has been quite week in the days following her outburst.

They were now at the tavern conversing over cups of ale and some bread. "And then I said, what's the deal with airplane food?" She chuckled as Cullen merely stared at her in confusion. "Airplane?" 24 stalled, staring at him and coughing on her ale. "Nevermind. So, what's on your mind?" They had grown quite comfortable around each other at this point, comfortable being friends. "A lot, actually. The soldiers need more training before the red templars come. However, sitting here with you is a nice break." She flushed and smiled as they shared the last bite of bread. "Oh yeah? Well, I enjoy spending time with you." He flushed as well at her confession. "Want to go take a walk?" A mere walk wouldn't hurt, right?

During their walk, she they encountered bison looking creatures on the hills surrounding Have. "Wow! I'm gonna go pet it!" He tried to stop her before she ran up to it. However, this creature was not having any of it. Cullen rushed to her before the bison could headbutt her into oblivion and somehow ended on top of her after tackling her. Cullen flushed and stared into her eyes, clearing his throat. "Well, we should be heading back. He got up and offered her a hand, one she gladly took. 24 began brushing the snow off of her and smiled at Cullen. "Have you ever kissed anyone?" She asked, shocked at her statement that she didn't even think about. "O-Oh, uh.. yes. Uhm, I- uh.." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the ground. 24 had never kissed anyone before, and wished that he would kiss her now. However, she had no idea how to kiss. "Will.. you kiss me? I've never been kissed before and I would really like to see what it's like not that uh I think you would enjoy it or that I would enjoy it but it's pretty embarrassing to never have kissed anyone at my age and I just kinda like you oh boy did I really say that-" He cut her off by softly kissing her, grabbing ahold of her slim waist. His soft lips molded with her chapped ones, slowly and softly moving against each other. Was this kissing? She slowly moved her mouth with his and felt butterflies attack her stomach. They stayed like that for awhile before breaking it off, staring into each other's eyes. Perhaps he felt that way, too?

"Wow." They both said at the same time. Nothing would be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if i got everyone's personalities wrong! i am really trying xD i am doing this along with nursing school, but i am trying


	4. * Woes of pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Telepathy is a fickle thing, and sometimes it happens at the wrong moment. (smuttish chapter)
> 
> TW talk of suicidality, self harm, and masturbation

They stared into each others eyes and smiled. God, he was beautiful. 24 looked at the ground, uncomfortable from the prolonged eye contact. Cullen dipped a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. "What happens now?" She asked timidly, a small mousy voice echoed into the forest. He had to think on that. On one hand, they had just met and she was substantially younger than him, and he basically knew nothing about her. On the other, she was beautiful. He wanted to run his fingers through that curly mess of snow white hair atop her head. 24's eyes were unlike anything he has ever seen. A crystalline blue with green halos surrounding the pupils, which were now dilated. Much to his satisfaction, she closed her eyes and leaned in again for a more passionate kiss. Their mouths were seemingly glued together, and he couldn't get enough of her small body. Hands everywhere, frantically grappling her waist. She, however, opted to merely clasp her delicate hands around his arms. She had never experienced anything like this before. Fear, anxiety, rejection. But, there were other emotions as well. Calmness, a beautiful calmness that allowed her to be at peace with herself in the moment, just relishing at the connection of their lips. They broke apart, gasping for air. "Well, know you've kissed someone." He smirked, winking at her with those gorgeous brown eyes.

She felt a cold ice run through her veins. She couldn't do this. She couldn't do romance. Who would want her? 24 started shaking violently and looked at Cullen with tears in her eyes, tears of frustration. "I can't do this." These were the last words Cullen heard before she mysteriously disappeared, leaving him alone, confused, and frustrated in the forest. Heaving herself into her little abode, 24 looked at the shattered mirror in disgust. She needed an outlet, some sort of way to convey what she was feeling right now. Delicate clawed hands reached for a journal and a pen she had brought with her, and began furiously writing down words.

_Those voices. Those stupid voices. The ones telling me to cut off my fingers and feed them to the dogs, the ones telling me to bang my head against a wall until my head bleeds. Should I go on? I know I am messed up in the head, as my mom says. But who am I really? Am I my mental illness or am I a person? The way I am treated by my doctors, I am my mental illnesses. They say I am schizophrenic, but I don’t believe them. How could they? I know they’re all going behind my back to poison my body further with meds. Intense anger. Intense anger at my loved ones for no fucking reason. Is this how I’m meant to live? My mom blames herself for everything wrong with me. Partly she is right, she married an abusive monster. Or am I the monster? The voices tell me I am wrong, that I am doing this for attention because I didn’t get enough as a child. I don’t like the voices. They sound like TV static to me, just constantly buzzing and buzzing until I breakdown and self-destruct. I don’t like hurting myself, but I can’t stop myself. It’s like the static controls my body and forces me to give myself concussions. TV static. Is that who I am? It calls my name, like a beautiful song trying to bring me down with it. It tells me to kill myself, but not kill others. That’s odd. Why would I kill myself? I’ve tried three times and no result. The static is wrong, I shouldn’t kill myself. That’s too easy. I can’t focus for long without that beautiful static buzzing in my mind. Beautiful, you ask? It is. It keeps me company despite how much it hurts. It numbs my bones and puts me to sleep. It tells me to take too much Ativan to escape the world of the living and to join it in heaven. It tells me the pills taste like poison, contaminated poison, and that I shouldn’t take them. I don’t want to take them. It numbs the static and makes my mind blurry. Why do they do this to me? I can’t even watch TV anymore without thinking of ways to kill myself with every object in the room under the command of those stupid voices. Those stupid voices. The static. It controls me, it is me. The static speaks my name and I can’t ignore it. The bugs I see are REAL to me. They crawl around me and go into my ears to join the static. The pains I feel are real. The shapes and objects I see are real. They aren’t real to others. I am not schizophrenic. I am me. The static is not me. Is the static me? I don’t know. It hurts to think about. All I know is I am here in this dull world trying to make a name for myself. But my name only matters to one thing; the static. The intense anger I feel is almost uncontrolled. It takes over my body like a red-hot flame that is painful and causes mourning. Mourning for my old life and how I treat other people. I want to love, to be loved. I cannot be loved. I am a monster. The voices say so. A freak. I am undeserving of affection and adoration. How can I love another if I cannot love myself? I hate myself. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate is the right word. I am a monster. A monster that was made. I am not human. A monster._

Teardrops began forming on the paper as she was gasping for breath. That took the life right out of her it seemed, so many emotions. Emotions before she was kidnapped, being forced to take medications to keep her brain numb. She couldn't do this, but she didn't want to clean up blood again. 

24 wiped her face with her sleeved tunic and bounced out of her bed, shutting the journal. There was only one person she wanted to talk to right now, and that was Dorian. She headed out into Haven and listened to all the energies around everyone, searching frantically for Dorian. 24 did not want anyone BUT Dorian. Varric looked at her with a strange look and wandered over. "Hey, shorty, what's on your mind?" She hated that nickname. Yes, she was short by American standards but Varric was far shorter than her, maybe four inches. "Not now please. Do you know where Dorian is?" She was growing desperate at this point. Varric merely pointed in the direction of the tavern before leaving her be, guessing she wanted to be alone. She was scared that she would see Cullen, but figured he'd be in with the other important members of the Inquisition. 

Entering the tavern was chilling. It smelled like a brewery. 24 closed her eyes and felt the vibrations of energy, pinpointing exactly where Dorian was. She walked over to him and smiled. "Hey, Dorian. Can we talk.. in private?" He nodded and took her by the arm, surprising her at first. The only physical contact she had this whole time was Cullen cradling her in his arms during their makeout session. "So, what do you want to talk about? Ooooh, did you meet a boy you fancy? Did you discover more insane powers? Please, darling, you must tell me." She hated the nickname he gave her. Darling. Where did it even come from.

"Not exactly. I just need advice." She breathed in some air and let it exhale through her nose, preparing herself for what she was about to say. "Dorian, have you ever liked anyone? Like... liked liked?" He widened his eyes and let out a chuckle before putting his arm around her. "My, my, _Julia_ , do you have a crush? Is it a dashing mage? Is it a beautiful made? A chantry member?" No, none of that. She didn't want anyone but Cullen at this point.

"Well.. I think I like Cullen in a way I can't describe. It's like my soul is literally calling me to be with him and I can't take it, Dorian! We even kissed!" That shocked him. "The commander! Well, that's some major brownie points for you don't you think?" She was embarrassed by her confession of her feelings. 24 shifted back and forth, admiring the snow collecting on her boots. "It's not like that. We kissed and I panicked. I panicked, Dorian! I transmuted myself away and left him alone! I let him see one of my powers!" Her face was a dark grey color at this point, flushing to a point of no return. Dorian merely smiled and nodded his head. "Well, darling, I say you go apologize to him. Tonight, when no one is around. Go to his room and confess your adorable feelings to our adorable and dashing commander." And with that, he set off back to the tavern. Fuck that was some bad, yet good, advice.

She waited until nightfall to start heading up to the chantry where he had his private quarters. She stood outside the door and stalled before she was going to rap on the door. Something wasn't right. She knew he was in there but the energy surrounding him felt.. off. Anger, frustration, and... sexuality? She had never experienced anything sexual before. Sure, there were some guards that tried to rape her now and then before she ripped their throats out. However, this was different. This wasn't rage and lust, these were emotions of the soul.

Inside the room, Cullen was fighting the urge to drop his pants and grab is cock right then and there. This was shameful, masturbating for a girl nearly half his age. But Maker's breath, he wanted her. Wanted her so badly. Wanted her innocence. Cullen reached his hand into his small clothes and grabbed his fully erect cock, stroking it a few times. He could only imagine how it would go with _her._

_"Cullen, let me take care of you." She purred as she put his cock into her warm and wet mouth like a wanton whore. She moaned around his pulsating member and he groaned, grabbing ahold of her head. "24, the things you do to me." Said woman began bobbing her head up and down as Cullen grabbed the other sheet with his hand while keeping ahold of her short white hair. Finally, he snapped. He grabbed her head and shoved his cock down her throat, thrusting rapidly as she caressed his thighs. "Mmm close." Was all he managed to choke out before shooting hot ropes of cum down her throat. She smiled, the temptress she was, and climbed on top of him. "Let's have some fun." The caressing of skin, sweaty bodies sliding against each other._

No, this was all wrong. But he couldn't stop, the fantasies were too much and his member was already erect again. Sighing, he took hold of it and began furiously jacking himself off.

_Slowly she slid down onto him until their bodies met. She leaned down and kissed his neck, her erect nipples brushing against his chest. "Cullen, baby, please. Move." He didn't need to be told twice. Slowly entering, he took kindly to her virginal canal. She urged him on. He obliged. He pounded into her from below as he took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it furiously before switching to the other. She began moaning his name like a song, a beautiful song, and spasmed around him. "Mmm, wanna breed you. You'd look so good with my seed growing inside of you. You like that?" She nodded furiously and moaned his name, clamping down harder on his sensitive cock. Maker, she would be the end of him. With a chocked cry, he began speeding up.He slammed into her a few more times before shooting ropes of seed into her._

Cullen looked at the mess on himself and wiped a hand down his face. What had he just done? Fantasize about a young girl and her innocence? Maker, she's probably never even been close to doing anything like that before. He sighed in shame and got up to clean himself up.

Outside of the room, 24 was blushing furiously. Did she really hear what he was doing or was that imagination. His fantasies about _her,_ he wanted _her!_ She wasn't so sure talking to him now was a good idea and ran off, leaving him seemingly alone again. 

One thing is for sure, telepathy is a bitch.

She hurried back to her little cottage and collapsed into her bed. God, what was that? Was he.. touching himself? She had never even knew people could do that? But he wanted her! He didn't like her, he just wanted her body. She stared at the broken mirror and ripped her shirt off. The ugly black scar was so apparent it was painful. She slowly touched the black, mangled scar and began crying. He would never want her if he saw this. But she wanted him in a romantic way, not a sexual way! She didn't even know how to have sex! 

24 threw on a simple night shirt and collapsed into bed sobbing. All she had wanted to do was go and talk to him, possibly cutting off whatever feelings they may harbor for each other, and leave. That's it. On the other hand, she was glad she managed to worm her way into his mind to the point he had fantasies of... getting her pregnant? Could she even have kids? The young girl stuffed her head into the straw filled pillow and wept. Wept for herself, Cullen, and her chances of having a romance. That's what every girl wants, right? To be swept off their feet by some dashing suitor. She, however, did not think that life was for her. The only people she didn't kill for touching her are Dorian and Cullen. But now, she wasn't so sure she wanted Cullen to ever touch her again after what she had heard from his mind.

She wanted him as a companion, her love. But now she wasn't sure he wanted that. Maybe he only wanted her for reasons that he made apparent. She sobbed and wailed for the tryst they had in the forest. Perhaps she wasn't meant to be loved.

Suddenly, she heard a rap at her door that startled her. Slowly, she picked up a dagger she had found and stalked towards the door in her night shirt and comfortable cotton shorts. "Who's there?" 24 questioned cautiously. She already knew who it was, however, but he didn't need to know that.

"It's Cullen. I was hoping we could have a word." 24 took a shaky breath and opened the door. He was in a cotton tunic and pants with simple shoes on. She let him in and sat on her bed while he stood in front of her, dropping the dagger to her side."Look, about earlier.." She began, but he cut her off. "Yes, it was inappropriate. I shouldn't have come onto you like that and I apologize." He was beet red after his apology. Why was he apologizing? She enjoyed it! "C-Cullen.. what if I liked it?" Her leg began to twitch with anxiety, a knowing sign that she was growing nervous for this encounter. He widened his eyes and looked to the side. "Look, 24, we barely know each other. You're so young, you deserve to be with someone who will truly love you." He looked at the ground and sighed. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I just find you so.. enthralling. There's something about you that I can't put my finger on, it's like my soul is calling to me." She stalled at his words, veins running cold, face turning grey. He.. likes her? Like likes her? A butterfly started flapping it's wings into her stomach. It didn't help that he said the words that she had said to Dorian earlier,

"What.. what if I feel the same?" Why was she doing this? She couldn't be with someone! Her life was too secretive and she was to guarded to let someone in like that. This was a mistake, this was a mistake, this was a mistake. Suddenly, she was cut off by Cullen softly caressing her cheek and getting on his knees to be eye level with her. 

"Then that means, we'll see where this takes us. But, first, we need to know more about each other."

This was it. She couldn't tell him everything about her. But, 24 had a thing about lying. Lying wasn't good. The girl sighed and nodded, preparing for the worst to come. Suddenly, he leaned in and softly brushed his lips to hers. "But that can wait for tomorrow. Good night, 24." That was the last thing he said as he walked away.

24 collapsed onto her bed and fell asleep. No nightmares plagued her mind tonight, only dreams of Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first time writing anything... like this?? ahhhh


	5. Secrets are best kept hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen, with the intent to surprise 24, finds out a dark secret. Right before the red templars attack, she shuns him.
> 
> TW: violence, gore, and self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still tryin my best lmao, not that good with detail

The dreams she had were wonderful. Them kissing, holding hands, and laughing at each other's antics. So innocent. What she heard last night was not innocent. His thoughts still plagued her mind like a virus trying to take over. The young girl sighed and rolled over, caressing the scar on her throat. Dorian had witnessed this and did not shun her. Would Cullen shun her? It was the middle of the night at this point, and only after sleeping for two hours 24 wanted to sleep more. She couldn't. Clawed hands clutched at the blankets in a frantic attempt at falling back asleep. Hopefully the black abyss would take her soon.

A few days have passed at this point. Cullen and 24 have been growing closer than ever, sharing kisses and hugs in the dark. The thoughts he had a few days ago no longer plagued her mind. Instead, it calmed her insecurities of him not wanting her. "Cullen, you have to get back to work!" She giggled as he was kissing her cheeks. She was the happiest she had ever been, but could she even call him her boyfriend? Did those phrases exist in this world? 24 looked up at the man who was caressing her sides and sighed a joyous sigh. He looked down at her and smiled. "You should too. I'll see you later.." A shy smile appeared on his face as he bent down and softly brushed his lips to her. God, she could never get over the feeling of his lips on her. 24 watched as he walked away and turned heel back to the tavern to find her friends. As she entered, she saw Dorian, Sera, and Varric sitting together at a table. Shyness crept all over her body and she was about to walk back out before Sera called her name. "Oi, shorty, get over here!" 24 complied and sat down at the table with them.

Dorian looked at his dear friend and smiled. "How do you stay so youthful. Really, you must tell me." They all chuckled and 24 blushed. She _was_ only twenty years old and the ages of everyone around her were a mystery. She was guessing Sera was in her twenties, Varric fourties, and Dorian maybe late twenties to early thirties. Who knows, 24 was bad at guessing ages. The young girl tapped her nails on the table and tried to think of a response. "Uh.. yoga." That's all she could think of. The three companions bursted out into a fit of laughter as Sera slapped her on the back, irritating the healing scars of the puncture wounds she inflicted on herself. "Shite, 24, you're fuckin' funny." 

Despite her enjoying time with her friends she felt.. weird. There was something coming and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. A looming darkness surrounded everyone in Haven, almost like a fog. It was frightening to think about anything happening to them. She would protect them, of course, since she was trained to serve and protect. "24, my dear, what ever is the matter? Did our dear Cullen leave you high and dry?" She shook her head no and slowly got up, wandering out of the tavern. "Shite, she is _weird."_ Sera said and giggled a little bit. _"_ Yeah, almost as weird as you." Varric quipped, nudging the elf with his shoulder.

24 stood out in the road leading towards Haven and stared up at the green abyss in the sky. She knew Theo was going to close it either today or tomorrow. However, she knew something was going to happen. Visions of red filled her mind and she shuddered. Was someone going to attack them when they were vulnerable? The young mutant walked passed Bull, Cullen and the training soldiers, missing the way Cullen's eyes gazed over her. She found a secluded spot on the road to meditate. It felt like everything was in slow motion, the terror of future emotions weighing heavily upon her. What was going to happen? Visions of red, of smoke, of fire, roaring creatures. Should she warn Theo or blame this on her possible now-treated schizophrenia? She didn't know what to do. Hands dug themselves in the snow to bring 24 back to reality and she sighed, loving the way the coldness calmed down the anxiety in her body.

Getting back up, she passed Theo. "Hey, are ya coming with us to close that monstrosity?" He said, nudging her with his shoulder. 24 shook her head yes. "Then you should go to prepare. We leave within the hour." That was all he said before walking to the chantry. She headed back to her little cottage and looked at the various clothes and armor that were given to her. Stripping out of her shirt, she heard someone enter. 24 grabbed her dagger and hid behind one of the crates. "Hey, 2-" Before the perpetrator could say anything else, she tackled them and pinned them to the ground, dagger at their throat. It was Cullen. "Is this how you always great those near and dear to you?" He smirked while she started rising back to her feet, completely forgetting she was shirtless and.. braless. Do bras even exist here? It's not like she ever had to wear one. Itty bitty tlitty committee. "Oh Maker, 24! What happened to you?" Cullen said in alarm as he spun her around, looking at the black war torn scar on her body. She looked at him, trembling in his grasp. No, no, no, no, no! This was not how he was supposed to find out!

"C-Cullen.. uh.. I can explain.." She said, her lip quivering with fear, tears threatening to drip from her eyes. Visions of her worst nightmares started coming to life as she saw the fear and astonishment on his eyes. "Why.. why is it black?" He asked, hands slightly trembling. She didn't know how to answer him without spilling her secret. Her fight or flight response was initiated as she threw on a tunic and ran past him, transmuting into the forest. She climbed up a tree and sobbed, fearing the worst. What if he breaks things off?

Cullen was left confused and frustrated again. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a binder and a black leather journal sitting on his bed. Temptation was getting the better of him. An internal battle started. Should he wait and let her tell him herself or find out for himself now? This could be important information she could be hiding. The commander slowly walked over to the objects and grasped the journal. He began reading it, guessing it was a diary. Oh, well, he was too invested now. He began trembling as he read her words. Monster? Mental illness? What else was she hiding from him? He put the journal back and began to feel pity. Is that the way she really feels? She cannot be loved? Cullen wouldn't say he loves her, but he does have her very near and dear to his heart at this point. She was just so.. innocent looking. So young, so beautiful and mysterious. Why wouldn't he tell her how she really felt? Temptation was setting in again as he opened the binder. While flicking through the pages and various pictures of an emaciated body with various cuts and a large scar, he realized that was 24. What had happened to her? Why would she keep this a secret? He flicked through some more pages and his eyes widened in horror at the things they had done to her. Graphic pictures of her organ transplants filled the page. More notes about her abilities and fighting capabilities filled the binder and he sighed. What was she? A mage? He was terrified of mages for what happened when he was a templar. Notes scattered around mentioned how she was threatening to kill everyone, and even how she killed a guard who tried to take advantage of her by ripping his throat out. He can't imagine his darling little 24 doing this! It had to be lies. The commander sighed and went to get up, but found 24 standing in the doorway. "What were you reading there, Cullen?" She said menacingly as she looked at the journal and binder. Damn her for not putting them away.

"Why wouldn't you tell me any of this?" He asked, anger rising in his voice. _You have only been involved for a week, she doesn't need to tell you anything, Cullen._ His mind was getting the better of him as shame was apparent on his voice. "You're right, I don't need to tell you everything." How did she know he thought that? Maybe the telepathy part was true but everything else couldn't have been. "Why would I tell you anything? Why do you think I would trust you already? Because we kissed? Are you fucking kidding me.." She began to trail off, anger getting the better of her. Cullen also felt his anger rising. "It would be a nice thing to know!" He could feel the anger radiating off of her at this point. She was no longer innocent looking, but a mindless drone ready to attack at any moments notice. "Cullen. I may like you, but you have no reason to go through my things, especially when it concerns _me like that._ Get out." She said, pointing to the door. "24.. Julia, please. Can we just talk?" Fires lit in her eyes at the mention of her real name. Only Dorian should know that. All of the lanterns simultaneously shattered at once and she stared at him, fist clenched in anger. "I. Said. Get. Out! NOW!" Cullen graced her with one last concerned look and left, slamming the door behind him.

24 wailed as she collapsed on the floor. God, she probably ruined EVERYTHING. The young girl grabbed a shard of glass from the lantern and held it up to her chest and cut a long line, black blood dripping down her thin torso. She then went to the insides of her wrists and cut a vertical line multiple times. The pain made her feel alive, made her feel something other than a broken heart. 

An hour passed and everyone in Haven was gone except for the ones who weren't soldiers or mages. She was alone in her room in a puddle of blood, collapsed into a fetal position. She hated this. 24 slowly drifted to sleep, a dreamless slumber of the abyss.

When she awoke, she heard the ramble of triumphant soldiers marching back into Haven. Cries of joy and happiness were heard all around. 24 looked around and sighed in shame. She probably just ruined any chances she had with Cullen. She'd clean up the blood and glass later. Throwing on he black turtleneck, she set out to find Dorian, Sera, Bull, and Varric. 

Everyone was cheering so she guessed that they closed the Breach. She sighed a looked around, spotting Dorian and Bull conversing. She decided to leave them alone since they seemed to be.. involved. Well, to her anyway. 24 then spotted Varric and Sera but decided to not wander, letting insecurity get the better of her. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Cullen gazing longingly at her. No, she couldn't talk to him right now. The visions began again. Red, fire, smoke, creatures. Why did this keep popping up? She shuddered and walked outside of Haven, smiling at the occasional nug that seemed to pass by her. Then, all of a sudden, a flaming arrow landed by her boots. She crouched to inspect it but another flew past her head. No..

24 looked up at the mountain and saw thousands of lanterns marching this way. She had to warn someone. But, then, some men started running up to her. Red men. 24 quickly got into a defensive stance but was faltered when a young man hacked and slash all of them to bits.

"My name's Cole. There's a great danger coming." He said, twitching every so often and making weird movements. "Yes, I can see that." Was all she replied before grabbing one of the swords in the dead man's hand. This could be used as a good weapon. This boy was no human, she could see right through that facade. He was a spirit, but how did he manifest so well? The energy surrounding him was innocent and pure, unlike hers. Pain and suffering was always coursing through her veins. She gave another glance at the boy who was seemingly growing antsier by the second. "Do you know who's attacking? We have to go warn everyone." Then, he said words that chilled her to the bone. "Fire, red, smoke. The templars are coming. They're angry at the Herald for stealing mages." Was he a mind reader too? 24 shook her head and grabbed his hand, pushing open the gates and vaulting him inside. "We have to go tell them. Come on, then." Suddenly, Cullen, Theo, and Cassandra came down the stairs and looked at Cole and I. Cullen looked disturbed as he looked over the mountain as well. He grabbed a few soldiers and ran to warn everyone after giving her one last glance.

Suddenly a red templar burst in, knocking her to the ground and going straight for Theo. She quickly jumped up and tackled the templar, biting his face apart in a fury and slashing at his neck. Suddenly, he dropped. "Ask questions later." Was all 24 said before going off to join the battle, leaving Cassandra, Theo, and Cole alone.

24 encountered many templars and quickly took them all down. She guessed that all that training wasn't for nothing after all, considering she was actually never sent out to war. Beating feet towards the gate, 24 ran outside and went to go find Theo. He was the one they wanted, so she had to protect him. Finding him, Dorian, Bull, and Sera all engaged in a fight, she quickly ran to their aid. A red templar ran up to her by surprise, but she had the upper hand of whipping a boulder at his head telekinetically. They all looked at her in wonder as they kept going, taking care of more templars along the way. "Get the trebuchet!" Bull cried out as he fought a templar off. Theo began loading and cranking the trebuchet as we all fought templars off. Finally, it launched into the mountain causing an avalanche, effectively burying most of their forces.

"We must get to the chantry." Was all Theo said before quickly running towards the gate.

Once they reached the chantry, Chancellor Rodrick was urging everyone to get inside. She didn't understand the feud between him and Theo, but questions could be asked later. Cullen ran up to us and said something about a dragon? There was a dragon here? How did she miss that? All that matters was getting everyone inside and getting away from that thing. Cullen said something about making these demons here us. Well, they could shout all they want but that doesn't change the fact that there are literal red men attacking Haven. We ran back outside and beat our way through the templars, effectively getting back out of the gates. However, there was one last trebuchet we could use. As they fought off the templars, Theo was aiming the trebuchet. Before he could fire it, however, the dragon came. "Everybody, move, now!" Dorian, Sera, and Bull all ran away, but I was knocked down from the wind of the dragon landing.

Theo and 24 were alone. Well, not alone if one would count the dragon and the tall demon walking towards them. Theo and 24 stood up to stare the tall red man down, which did not help. "Enough." Was all he said before reaching out his arms and quelling the dragon. 24 was terrified and full of wonder at the same time. "Pretender, you toy with forces beyond you kin. No more." Both 24 and Theo looked at each other before Theo walked forward. "Who are you, why are you doing this?" He merely stood his ground and smirked. "Mortals beg for truth they cannot have. It is beyond what you are, what I was. Know me, know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder One. The will that is Corypheus. You will yield." 24 was terrified at this point, but Theo wasn't backing down."Help me make sense of this, please!" He shouted frantically. Corypheus merely stared at them.

"Your understanding is not required. If you gain it, consider yourself blessed. I am here for the anchor, the process of removing it begins now." He said has he held this glowing green orb, taking hold of Theo's marked hand telekinetically it seemed. "It is your fault, Herald. You interrupted a ritual years in planning. And instead of dying, you stole its purpose. I do not know how you survived, but what marks you, I crafted to assault the very heavens. And you use my anchor to undo my work. The gaul." 24 was terrified. Who was this man, this.. Corypheus. Theo was groaning in pain as the demon tried to take back the anchor. "And you, world jumper, will perish with your friend." And as if on cue, the big monster dragon bit down onto 24's torso and legs in a vertical fashion. The dragon dropped her onto the ground as Theo watched in horror. "No!" He yelled, trying to reach her in time. But, before he could, Corypheus grabbed him by the arm and held him up in the air. "What is this thing?" Theo yelled in anguish, crying over the loss of his friend. "It is meant to bring certainty where there is none, and I would always come for it. I once breached the Fade in the name of another to serve the Old Gods of the empire in person. I found the chaos and corruption through dead whispers. I was confused, no more. Though I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own. To champion Tevinter to correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the Gods, and it was empty." He threw Theo into the trebuchet and he groaned in pain.

Meanwhile, on the side, 24 lifted her head and crawled over to where they are silently. She looked at Theo and held a finger over her lips to be silent. "The anchor is permanent, and you have spoilt it with your stumbling. So be it. I will begin and find another way to give this world the nation and the God it requires." 24 stood up and limped over to Theo, cradling her side that was now dripping with blood. Corypheus narrowed his eyes and snarled. "You two. I will not suffer knowing I have two rivals. You must die." Theo grabbed a sword and gave a sideways glance to 24. "Your arrogance blinds you. If I'm dying, it's not today! Do it!" Too weak to do it herself, 24 used her telekinesis to release the trebuchet, creating an avalanche. "Come on!" 24 yelled, grabbing Theo's arm and jumped over the trebuchet into a little alcove in the ground.

They both were out for a few minutes before they both woke up. "Theo.. Theo!" 24 said, shaking him. He opened his eyes and groaned, staring at her with his baby blue eyes. "We have to go." And so they carried on, holding onto each other as they limped through the cave. There was a rift in front of them, "Hold on." He held out his arm and dismissed it, and 24 guessed he acquired a new ability. They kept moving on until they got through the mountain and into the snow. It was cold, so cold. White, dark, cold. As they held onto each other, both of them collapsed into the snow. "Come on Theo, we have to get up." 24 groaned as she lifted up her friend, reopening the wounds on half of her body. Dark black blood bleeding onto the snow. He nodded and they continued onward.

Another hour passed and they could see a light in the darkness. No, this wasn't Heaven. This was real. In the distance they can hear people. "24, and the Herald!" Finally, they have been saved. Theo and 24 looked at each other and smiled wearily before collapsing into the snow.

The last thing she felt was Cullen's breath and his arms around her body. "You made it.."


	6. The embrace of comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and 24 grow apart, which brings them closer. Theo faces an existential crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this so far! I know i suck at writing and am new to this but thanks for giving it a chance :)
> 
> TW: talk of suicide and self harm. also fluff

_A dream. A dream in the abyss. Julia could not open her eyes, afraid of what would happen if she did. Mother never did like her to sleep in, and her monster of a husband would threaten to kick her out. Julia rose from her bed and sighed, stretching her thick, muscular arms. She looked around her room, inspecting every instrument, game console, and book. The Help, The Lord of The Rings, A Game of Thrones, and so many more. An Xbox 360, a Playstation 4. Fallout: New Vegas still paused on her TV. A cracked window, the morning chirping of birds. A soft carpet beneath her feet. The young girl sighed and began walking downstairs. Everything was in slow motion, as if it was not happening. No one was home. Pictures on the wall, pictures of Julia whenever she was younger. Pigtails, dresses, stuffed animals. Gerald, a giraffe. Gilbert, an elephant. She kept walking and paused in the kitchen. Cooking ware was scattered about. Pan on the stove, pots hanging from the hooks, a pan on the counter. A living room full of plants and furniture. The brown couch, the tan recliner. Spongebob on the TV. More pictures, more recent. Soft features, blue/green eyes. Plump lips, a fake smile. A noose. The beautiful noose. A chair beneath it. Pills on the table. A knife on the floor. Blood running down her wrists. Woozy from the pills. The noose calling her name. Something else was calling her name. She didn't listen. The beautiful noose, the sound of static. Julia stepped onto the wooden chair and put the noose around her neck like a fancy piece of jewelry. The beautiful rope irritating her soft, pale skin. A wonderful end to suffering. Oh no. Mother was home. Mother walked through the door. No, this wasn't mother. Mother didn't have a kind smile on her face. Julia faltered and stared at Not-Mother. Not-Mother was kind, a soft smile on her face. A mad world. Julia closed her eyes and kicked the chair._

_Julia opened her eyes. A dark room. Damp, cold, lonely. No bed, no bathroom, no windows. Thin legs, thin arms, grey complexion. Training. Muscles sore, incision hurts. Black blood oozing onto the bandages. Obsidian, sticky, oozing. She wasn't home. She wasn't herself. A 19 year old on deaths door. Sharp nails, black nails made of steel. Not real nails. Nails implanted into her bones. Hurts. Teeth sharper. Canines poking into her cracked lips. Chemo and needles in her arms. Black, mangled scars forming on her forearms. Hurts. A life not living. She dreamt of the noose a lot, the pills, the knife. Self-harm scars littered her small body. Someone was calling her. She didn't want to wake up. Guards grabbing her by the arms and dragging her out of the room. Rough, ragged, calloused. Mean men. Bruises. Slap marks, black eyes. Scars. Life never ending. No, she couldn't die. The cells in her body had other plans._

_Down the hall, a light, a bright light. Her will to live faltering. Cullen. Cullen was calling her. Julia didn't want to open her eyes, too comforted by dreaming of familiar things. Cullen in the hallway, holding out his arms for her. She wanted to go to him. Comfort, love, happiness. Her legs could not move. Faces began melting. Smoldering hot fire tearing through their bodies. Cullen's look of horror at what she had done. Death, dying, misery. Suffering, pain, and death. What she wanted everyone to experience._

"She's not waking up." Cole said curtly, looking at 24 with hooded eyes. "Dreaming of darkness. Comfort, familiarity. A light at the end of the tunnel." Cullen looked at him and sighed, holding her frail and cold hand tighter. "24.. Julia, please. Wake up!"

_"..Wake up!" She didn't want to wake up. Comfort in familiarity. Fire put out. Mangled bodies surrounded her as she laid on the floor. Weak, tired, sad. Allen picked her up, merely weighing nothing. Allen. Father, abuser, monster. A father figure when she never had one. Bald, tall, menacing. Her weak eyes peered into his and he smiled a fake smile. He didn't want her to die. But, she knew she couldn't die._

_Darkness. Wet. Water. Power. Power surging through her body like none before. Basically punching at the iron cover of her water prison. It opened. Emerging a powerful radiance. Shattered glass, surprised faces. Shaking hands. Only one left living of her siblings. A war machine. Testing, training, chemicals, medicine. Steroids. Opiates. Sharp nails slashing down her own arms. She didn't want to wake up._

_"Wake up.." A weak call. No, she couldn't. Comfort in familiarity. Anger, burning anger. Anger coursing through her veins. She had to kill them all. No longer a father, no longer a father figure. Allen was the first to die. He grabbed her by the throat and she ripped out his intestines. He fell to the ground. Crimson. The guards were next. Flashing lights, throats ripped out, heads bursted open by unknown forces. Anger. Fire, burning fire. Time to wake up._

She opened her eyes slowly and cautiously, hoping her surroundings were real and not a comatose dream state. A concerned look adorned Cullen's face as he was looking into the horizon, his hand still holding hers. She remembered his warm and inviting voice calling to her like a siren almost. Cullen felt her stir and whipped his head around with a shocked look. "You're.. awake." She remembered their last conversation as well, a bolt of betrayal surging through her. Maybe he just felt bad for her since she almost got ripped in half by a demon dragon. 24 groaned as she sat up, the sutures of her wounds pulling. "Don't move too quickly now, just lay and rest." He said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I wouldn't put your hands on me, I'm probably covered in demon slobber." Well, she was literally inside the jaws of that dragon as she was nearly being torn apart by the sharp teeth it had. "Still glad to see you've got your sense of humor." He chuckled, giving her hand a squeeze. Out of the corner of 24's eye she could see Bull and Sera talking, as well as Solas and Theo. She had no idea what they were talking about, and she didn't want to know at the moment. She was still too weak and beat up to even attempt using telepathy to spy on her friends. The aiming of the trebuchet with telekinesis really did it in for young 24. 

She looked at Cullen with wide, dewey eyes. Yes, they may of shared kisses but 24 didn't like to think of them as a couple, it was too vulnerable. Anger was still present for what he had done before the templars had attacked, but the past can't be changed now. "I barely remember what happened.." 24 said holding a hand to her head and groaning in pain. Of course she had to have a headache. The metal plates in her brain probably got jostled around when she was slammed on the ground by the dragon. "I remember Cory-whatever threatening to kill us and then... we created an avalanche I think. Theo and I. I also almost got ripped in half by his dragon.. but after that, nothing." It must've been amnesia from when she was injured. "My side hurts so fucking bad, dude." This was probably the most she had talked in awhile. Being so open to people wasn't exactly 24's forte.

"I, uh.." Cullen trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully, "I was so w-worried about you.. and, uh, Theo." He tried to play it off as a concerned friend, but it wasn't working. 24 was still very mad at him for going through her things without permission. Who does that, anyway? "Don't act all bashful and caring, I'm still mad at you." She said, looking down at her hand and ripping it from his. Cullen's face turned beet red in shame and he bowed his head a bit. "I shouldn't have done that. Yes, it was wrong, but I don't know anything about you! What you have told me was lies. I judge you more for lying than for your past." He said, fists clenched on his knees. 24 narrowed her eyes and sat up abruptly, not caring that she tore open her healing wound. "Oh, you're judging _me_? For what, hiding my disturbing past? I'm judging _you_ for going through my things! You had no right to do that. Who cares what my name is, Julia is long forgotten. I'm 24 now. I'm barely human, I have metal in my fucking brain, my blood is black for Christ's sake! I'm a fucking freak, Cullen, can't you see that?" Blood covered her bandages as she was heaving from her outburst. Mother Giselle gave them a sideways glance but decided not to get involved at this time. Cullen looked over her bruised and bleeding form, guilt racking his body.

"Maybe it's better if we don't see each other for awhile." 24 said abruptly, tears falling out of her eyes. "You're my close friend, but you deserve better than me." Cullen just looked at her bewildered, not thinking of anything to say. "Ju-24, please.. I am sorry. I shouldn't have went through your things and I should've let you tell me on your own time. Please, forgive me." 24 dug her nails into the palms of her hands, little half moons forming from the cuts. "I can't let you see me in the states I get into. I literally slit my own throat in front of Dorian." 24 said as she pulled down her turtleneck to show him the horizontal scar. "I then stabbed myself." She couldn't really show him the stab scars due to the puncture wounds being bandaged. "I've wanted to die since i was fourteen years old." A final confession. There, he knows stuff about her now. Big whoop. 

"I've had those thoughts. The ones where the world would be better off without me.." Cullen said, trailing off. The caretaker side of 24 wanted to cradle him in her arms and tell him it was going to be okay. "After I was at the Circle.. and blood mages.. my friends.." 24 slowly slid her hand into Cullen's and brushed a stray curl off of his forehead. Anger was quelled, for now. "I'm sorry, Cullen. You have had to go through terrible things, but better times will come." The voices speaking to her told her that, hopefully it wasn't her 'schizophrenia' because she'd hate to be wrong. 

And then everyone started singing. She wasn't good at acapella.

The journey to Skyhold was long and stuff, mountain after mountain. Thankfully she had Bull to carry her on his back. However, 24 did notice the jealous looks that Cullen was sending their way. 24 loved Bull as a friend, but could never imagine him.. romantically. The things he thought about disturbed her. Who wants to use ropes like that, anyway? "Are we there yet?" 24 whined, clutching at her side in pain from the turbulence of riding up so high. "Just like that last fifty times, no." Bull said, patting her on the calf. She was awfully tired and worn out still from her little escapade three days ago with Theo, Corypheus, and that demon dragon. She could barely walk due to the dislocation of her hip from it's jaws crunching down on it. 24 would berate herself, saying she's stronger than that. She wasn't, perhaps in the past she was. The comfort of civilization has made her grown softer, a more human heart that was overshadowing her heart made of steel. 

"Are we there, _now_?" 24 asked, whining again. She wanted this trip to be over. Poor Bull, having to put up with her incessant whining. However, she was too weak and in too much pain to be walking right now. At the moment, she was quite miffed at Cullen for not offering to carry her. It was whatever at this point, it's not like they are together romantically. A few shared kisses in the dark meant nothing, him touching himself to her meant nothing. "No." That was all Bull had to say, getting quite annoyed with her antics. 24 sighed, metaphorically looking out the window into the horizon. Mountains upon mountains. It was cold, bright, and snowy. Not her forte. 

In the distance, she could see a great fortress. Theo was leading the way for some reason as if he knew where they were going. _Skyhold._ It sounded like Solas' voice. Of course he knew everything, he was just a smart ass elf with a God complex. 

Another hour past and they finally reached the gates. Bull let 24 down and she hunched over a tiny bit, grateful that her friend carried her the whole way here. "There, _now_ we're here you little heathen." He smirked, patting her on the head. The fortress was magnificent. A large tower with tiny little towers around it (totally 24's thinking). She gazed up at it and breathed a sigh of relief. They were finally here. 24 looked over at Cullen and gave a tiny smile, one he returned. She limped forward into the courtyard and looked up at Theo, Cassandra, and Leliana on the stairs. There was some sort of speech going on but she couldn't care, her wound hurt too bad and there was ringing in her ears.

"White hot pain, pain like mother used to give, sharp teeth like the fence at home." Cole said, popping up beside her. 24 and Cole got along rather well, kind of like two peas in a pod. "What's up, Cole?" She asked, giving him a sideways glance, keeping her voice low to avoid disturbing the crowd. "The sky?" 24 giggled and patted him on the shoulder. He was a funny kid, so clueless. Cole disappeared again and she sighed, all alone again.

"Inquisition, will you follow?" Cullen yelled as everyone agreed. She was missing this entire speech but she didn't care. Something in this place was calling to her, a portal of some sort. Whispers of her old world coming forth and calling to her. No, she chose to ignore it. 24 shook her head and sighed, cradling herself cautiously. The pulling of the wounds hurt too far beyond repair, and she passed out.

-

Waking up slowly, she looked around. 24 was in a room with wood on the floor from the ceiling, a cool breeze chilling her down to the bones. Cautiously, she looked to the side and saw Dorian as well as Cullen staring at her. "Darling, you really need to stop doing that to us. You had me worried sick!" Was all the Vint said before cradling her tiny hand in his. She felt bad for worrying everyone all the time, but she did get the short end of the stick compared to Theo. Yeah, he may have been thrown around but at least he wasn't almost ripped in half. "Dorian, can you keep an eye on her? I have to make some last minute checks with the troops." Dorian nodded yes and 24 began fuming. "It's not like I needed you to watch me, anyway!" And with that, he gave her a hurt glance and walked out the door.

"My, my, what a temper you have." Dorian smirked, moving to adjust her bandages carefully. "Still giving our dear commander the cold shoulder?" 24 merely shook her head yes, not really wanting to divulge the exact reason why. Well, Dorian is one of her best friends here, so why not? "He... found out. I caught him looking through my stuff." Dorian widened his eyes and coughed, unsure of what to say. "He also... touched himself. To me." She felt rather icky saying it like that, but it was true and it did make her quite uncomfortable and self conscious. "What? Did he.. touch himself in front of-" 24 cut him off frantically, waving around her free hand. "No, no.. I felt his thoughts. It made me feel icky. I don't understand it. I've never.. experienced something like that." Dorian smiled and shook his head. "We have a lot to talk about. When a man and a woman love each other very much, the come together and have _sex._ Sex is not a bad term, it is a perfectly healthy thing to do." 24 nodded and squinted her eyes. "I-I.. uh.. don't really want to hear about sex while I'm bound to a bed because I passed out." Dorian feigned a broken heart with a hand on his chest. "Fine, fine. But you will find out one day," He smiled, "Probably with our dear commander." She sighed and jokingly punched him in the arm.

Suddenly, Theo came in and gave Dorian a bashful glance. 24 could feel the tension, romantic tension, between them. Awkward. "Dorian, can I speak to her for a few minutes, alone?" Dorian nodded and patted 24 on the shoulder before exiting. 24 was shirtless except for the bandages across her chest and shoulders. "I need to rant. My life has changed so much in the last few months. I went from being a simple Circle mage to being the Inquisitor. How does that happen? Why did they choose me? I was cursed with this thing, you heard Corypheus!" His chest was heaving, but he continued. "I don't want to do this anymore, 24. I'm so tired." He slumped on the chair beside her, hand cradling his forehead. "Um.. hey. I know it seems tough but look at it this way. Tough experiences make you stronger. Change is a good thing. Being in the Circle wasn't for you, and being the Inquisitor is. It may not seem like it to you, but you've changed the lives of so many people. For Christ's sake, you saved everyone! Including me.. if it weren't for you, I'd still be lost wandering the Hinterlands. You've given me, and so many other people the will to live, the will to survive." She smiled and put her hand on his leg, rubbing comfortingly. He smiled at her sadly and nodded. "You're right, I shouldn't be complaining."

Another hour passed as 24 was in a dreamless sleep. She awoke and decided to exit her bed finally, careful with how she stretched her body. She went out onto the stairs and spotted Cullen in the courtyard. She slowly limped her way down and smiled at him. "Hi, Cullen." She said, giving him a small wave. "Oh, so now you're speaking to me?" A look of anger crossed his face as he looked away from her. Tears started welling in 24's eyes at his words. She thought he was ignoring her! "I-I.. just wanted to say hi. Maybe we can talk somewhere private?" She asked, giving him a hopeful look. He nodded and started walking towards his quarters.

Once they reached his office, 24 slowly closed his door and sighed. "Listen, I know that I may have reacted rather poorly to you finding out who I truly am." She sighed, stepping closer to him. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. My past is.. troubled. I was abused for most of it, I tried to kill myself, I was kidnapped and mutilated into what I am now." Stepping closer, she wiped a tear that was rolling down her soft, round cheek. "But, all of that goes away when I'm around you." She cautiously put a hand up to his cheek. When he accepted it, she started stroking his sharp cheekbone. "I think I may be falling in love with you." Over the past month or two they have known each other, she could slowly feel herself falling into the comfort and letting the fear of getting close to someone fall away. She peered into his eyes shyly, waiting for a response. The stubble of weeks of traveling getting to him, a beautiful shadow across his face. Delicate hands stroked and caressed his face.

"I-.. uh.." He began bashfully, not quite sure what to say. It was like his soul was calling to her, the want for her too strong. She was irresistible in his eyes. A beautiful young girl with eyes that have seen enough for a lifetime. "And I you." He said, bringing his face to hers with a large amount of uncertainty. It was too fast for his liking, but feelings are feelings. 24 felt the same way, she didn't know what love was. The feeling of home, comfort, safety, and happiness perhaps. She felt all of those things with Cullen.

They embraced as they kissed each other, stubble caressing her soft face. Their lips molded into each other like a fire of burning passion. The weeks of worrying, battling through the cold, wondering when they would be safe again. The feeling of her limp body in his arms when they found her and Theo. 

His tongue swiped her lips, asking permission to enter. She had never done this before, kissed so passionately. She opened her mouth and kissed him harder. When they finally parted for air, they stared at each other in wonder.

Wonder for the future.


	7. World Jumper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and 24 talk about her past.  
> Theo, Solas, 24, Sera, and Dorian go to Adamant to fight the corruption  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW suicidality, self harm, and enormous fluff  
> smut should be comin sooon
> 
> also, sorry it gets so bad at the end LMAO

A few days have passed since their confession. 24 was unsure of how relationships actually worked and would most always awkwardly stare at Cullen as a form of flirting. Cullen, on the other hand, was becoming quite bold with his affections. His kissing grew more confident now since he knew she was consenting to it as well, just not for a girlish fantasy of having her first kiss. Sometimes they'd meet on the battlements late at night accidentally, just staring into the horizon together. 24 wasn't very comfortable with physical attention yet and would shy away whenever he went to hug or cuddle up to her, making Cullen unsure of himself. 24 didn't know how to comfort him whenever this happened, and would just settle for holding his hand. It was during these moments that made 24 unsure of whether or not she could actually be physically attracted to anyone.

Sure, she loves him. She loves everything about him. His stories of the Circles, templars, family, and Kirkwall (wherever that is) all filled her mind with wonder. 24 didn't have much to share with him since the world of North America was on they would have trouble comprehending. The entire Earth was confusing to her. She did not do well in Geography in high school.

Sometimes, though, she would find herself longing to tell him stories of her antics with various friends, how she would run away late at night and sleep in the grass beneath the stars. Getting caught smoking cigarettes at twelve years old, smoking weed on her fifteenth birthday. Getting kidnapped.

"What about your parents?" He asked one day while they were sitting on his bed late at night, staring up at the stars together through his ruined ceiling. She did not know how to answer him truthfully. 24 felt bad for always brushing his questions about her life off, but she was just a very private person. From what she had gathered, he only knew about the experiments that had been done to her. "I..uh.. well." She started, not quite sure how to put what she was going to say. "My mother and father were not kind. I did not have any siblings." Was all she said, very curtly. "What about them wasn't kind?" There's the winner. 24 looked at him nervously and began rubbing her hands together, not really sure what to say. 'Yeah, my mom watched me try to kill myself and laughed. My father then grabbed me from the noose and choked me himself.' was not a good way to put anything. She was trying to very hard to be open and honest with him. "Ju- 24, you don't tell me anything about you. Why?" He suddenly asked, as if he was reading her mind. That was her job, not his.

24 stuttered bashfully and nodded, sitting up further and facing away from him. This was not something she thought was going to happen. Get transported to this weird world, get beat up, cry a lot, make friends, and fall in love. It was all too much. The thoughts began racing in her head like a Nascar race and she began softly crying. Cullen sat up next to her and put his arms around her small frame. "Shh.. it's okay. You don't have to tell me." 24 shook her head and choked a bit before curling into him, accepting the embrace for once. Cullen was rubbing her back soothingly and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. "You can tell me when you're ready, love. I will remain as patient as ever." For all he knew, she could be siding with Corypheus. He was still unsure on whether or not she was a mage or just a freak accident that gave her abilities akin to a mage, but that didn't make him love her any less. The budding romance of two lovers was indestructible.

Cullen was merely in a tunic and some soft, cotton pants. 24 was in her usual turtleneck and jean outfit to hide the scar on her neck. She felt so very bad for hiding things from him, but she didn't know how he would react. "Cullen, I.." She began softly, "I am afraid if I tell you about my life.. that you won't like me anymore." 24 felt more tears welling into her eyes and he brushed them away with his calloused thumbs. "It's a lot to digest. So much has happened to me that it's not even funny." She bitterly chuckled, look up at him with a sorrowful expression.

"Nothing, and I mean nothing, will deter me from liking you any less, my love." He said shortly, hugging her tighter as she began crying again, trying to compose herself for a verbal autobiography. She nodded and sat up, pulling a picture out of her back pocket. It was something she always carried on her, a fond remembrance of the past. "This is my best friend, Nina, and I when we were kids. She died whenever we were fifteen." Cullen inspected the photo with wonder, not really sure what to make of the object in his hands. Maybe she hired someone that was very good at painting. On the back, there was a little written in note saying 'Nina and Julia, bff's.'. This was a good start at least. She began telling him stories of the adventures Nina and her had back then. Stealing toys from the store and giving them to the poor children around town, selling lemonade from Nina's backyard, running from their parents after discovering they had found out their little smoking habit, etc. She was smiling fondly at the stories she was telling, even pacing around the room for an hour talking about her.

"But then she was killed when I was taken. We were in the same institution for children with mental health problems and.. they killed her." She looked down at her feet and side, wondering if there was anything she could've done to stop it. "She tried to stop them from taking me and they shot her. Point blank." Cullen, of course, didn't understand what this meant. "An arrow?" He asked, trying to make sense of all of this. 24 looked at him and widened her eyes. No, of course he wouldn't understand.

"This may take awhile." She said, wiping her tears. "Hello my name is Julia Martin and I'm not.. from here. This world. The place I lived is called Earth, and I lived in North America. Like.. a different planet and timeline?" She felt like she was reading a dog a story at this point. Cullen slowly nodded his head and urged her to continue. "America was not a kind place when I left it. Almost constant war, ignorance of the poor, animal abuse, corrupt systems, processed and fatty foods, bullshit education system. I lived in a city called Lyme, Connecticut. There was a research facility off the coast there that people thought they were doing experiments. Sure enough, they were. Still with me?" 24 asked, holding his hand and smiling. This was a lot for her to put out on the table at once. Cullen nodded his head and started laughing. "This is a great story, 24." 24's face fell at this, and her lip started quivering. At this, Cullen jumped up and hugged her, beating himself up on the inside for making her cry. 

"It's not a joke!" 24 yelled, the floors trembling a bit from her outburst. She still had a lot to learn when it came to controlling her powers. She looked at her hands and widened her eyes. The scars. She could tell him through the scars. "Cullen, listen to me. This is going to be weird but I'm going to tell the story through my mind to yours." He looked at her lopsidedly as she rolled up her sleeve, countless self harms scars littering her arms. She grabbed his hand and put it to her old scars.

_"Mom! I hate you!" Julia yelled as she stomped out of her room and downstairs. Her mother was high and her dad was drunk, again. The young girl grabbed a knife from the kitchen and stood in front of her inebriated parents. "Why don't you care about me?" She asked, before slashing her wrist with the knife while they just sat there and watched, not even fully coherent._

Cullen opened his eyes with a gasp and gently stroked the scars on her arms. He was not really able to comprehend how or what made him see a glimpse into her past, but it was dark. "And that's not even the darkest part." She said, coming to sit on the bed and holding his hand. It always made him feel weird whenever she read his mind, like it was an intrusion of privacy. He was quite scared of what she would find in there.

"Julia.. I can't imagine." She was still uncomfortable with her birth name being said out loud, but since it was Cullen she tried not to care too much. Thin limbs encircled his waist as she got a moment of boldness, and lead him back to the bed to lay down with her head on his chest. It was quite comfortable, and perhaps she could even fall asleep. 24 had awful problem falling and staying asleep. Nightmares of her past haunted her. "Let us rest." He said, before holding her tighter as they drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

A few more days have past since that moment, and 24 began opening herself up more and more. Doubts chewed away at the young girl. Had Cullen really meant it when he said he loved her? She didn't sense any lying from him since she refrained from digging into his thoughts in that moment. 24 was just very doubtful and traumatized from her past.

In the courtyard she spotted Theo, Sera, Solas, and Dorian all chatting while getting their gear ready. She knew that the forces were preparing to go to this 'Adamant Fortress' soon to fight off the wardens or something like that. 24 was growing antsy from being confined to Skyhold, and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Hey, uh, can I come?" She asked, nervously rubbing her hands together. 24 was just itching to get out of this fortress at this point. However, from what Cullen was telling her, she knew this would be no easy battle. Theo looked up at her and smiled. "Yes, but we have to get you.. proper armor." He said, eyeing up her basic tunic and cotton pants. She smiled bashfully and nodded, running off to go find whatever she could.

In on of the abandoned rooms, she found a pair of tight chainmail pants, leather pants for underneath, and metal plated armor for the top. It was mostly black, but it would have to do. In all reality, she was probably going to strip it off anyway in favor of something light and moveable, much like her beloved turtleneck. The young girl sighed and tried it on. She felt.. bulky. The bottoms were loose on her and were a bit baggy. She moved back outside to go show Theo. He, Sera, Dorian, and Solas began laughing at her outfit. "What? I think it looks nice!" She said, her lip quivering a bit in embarrassment. Solas got up and led her by the arm to his quarters. 24 didn't know how to feel about Solas, he had a mysterious energy surrounding him. She knew from their brief talks that he liked to explore the Fade, but she didn't exactly understand. Everything in this world was hard to understand.

"Here, some robes for you. Fast, light, and breathable." He said, handing her a long tunic with billowing sleeves. It was black and had gold stitching. Quite nice, actually. "Thank you, Solas. This should do." She smiled at him and nodded her head, moving to throw on the robe over her current clothes. They didn't look half bad, actually. Her hair was starting to grow longer, a curly white mess that sat at her shoulders. Cullen said it reminded him of snow. "Adamant will be no easy feat, remember that. Remember what I've told you about controlling yourself and your abilities." 24 knew that Solas knew about her and her abilities, but she didn't know how and she didn't want to know why. Their talks mainly revolved around anger management and the ability to not crack under pressure. "I remember. Thanks!" She bolted out the door and went straight to Cullen's office.

They were leaving tomorrow, so she wanted to spend some time with him alone before they were on the road. She quietly opened the door and smiled at his concentrating face. "Hello there." She said, popping into the room quickly and locking the door behind her. He looked up visibly startled, but relaxed whenever he realized that it was her. "Hello. What's with the robe?" He asked, pointing to her newest piece of armor. She looked more like a cosplayer in her mind than a warrior, but it was whatever. "Solas gave me this for the battle at Adamant. They were mocking my.. usual style." She said, pointing to the jeans underneath her robe. "I'm probably going to end up stripping it in the middle of battle, though." Cullen looked at her shocked and grabbed her hands. "You're.. you're going tomorrow?" He asked, his adam's apple bobbing up and down. "Yeah.. why?" He looked visibly disturbed at this and sighed. "I don't approve of you going." She tried to remember Solas' words about not letting her anger get out of control. 24 was growing pretty angry at this point and narrowed her eyes. "Oh? I didn't know I needed your approval, _dad._ " She spit out, ripping her hands away from him. That sparked something in Cullen, but that was a discussion for another day. "I am perfectly capable of fighting. I helped fight off the templars at Haven, didn't I?" She asked, eyeing him up and down, trying to ignore any moments of weakness from him. She didn't want to manipulate him into letting her go. Then again, he didn't control her life. "I just.. don't like seeing you hurt." This made her heart melt a little bit and she bent down to his level and gave him a chaste kiss. "Cullen, I'm going to get hurt. I don't like seeing you hurt, but it happens." 24 kissed his knuckles one by one and smiled her charming little smile. He knew that she was right, that he didn't have a say on what she could do. Cullen knew she was very capable of fighting, but she was reckless at times. "We leave tomorrow, then." 

The journey to Adamant was a long one and her robe was unbearably itchy. Little did she know, Dorian and Sera had a bet going to see how fast she would take it off. However, since Solas and Cullen were around, she wasn't so keen taking it off just yet. They could see the fortress in the horizon. A grand fortress with stormy clouds over it like a bad omen. There were two other people with them, Hawke and Stroud. She liked Hawke, she was funny. The woman was very capable in the stories that Varric had told 24. Someone to admire. 

As they got closer, 24 began to grow antsier. Would she be able to control herself in the battle? She didn't want to go too hog-wild and murder everyone in plain sight. Theo sensed her anxiety and patted her on the back with a calm smile. She admired Theo quite a bit. His resolve, will, and battle prowess. However, she thought three mages and an archer wasn't a good lineup for a battle. But, whatever he fancies.

They stood off to the side as Cullen commanded his forces to break down the door. It was bloody already. It reminded her of training at the compound. If she focused close enough, she could fight through the flashbacks enough to focus. After the door was broken through, 24 didn't even stick around to hear what Cullen had to say to Theo, she bolted in there and tackled someone, breaking their neck in the process. She grabbed their staff for a weapon and used it to stab the next one who came running at her. It was kind of like using the staves back at the compound, except these ones were much larger. Theo, Sera, Solas, and Dorian finally caught up and looked at the blood bath around her as she smiled sheepishly. They began running to the battlements and she followed, heavy ass staff in tow.

After some wardens and demons got their fare share of beatings, they were witnessing a ritual in place. 24 winced as the wardens throat was cut and she sighed, not really sure how long she had been holding that breath. As the battle started, she ran right for a short and stocky grey warden, knocking him over with a blow to the head with her staff. 24 could care less at what the others were doing, just as long as they were alive. She abandoned her staff and robe, opting to use hand to hand to fight. She quickly jumped on the back of a warden like a spider monkey and sank her claws into his neck, blood from his artery spilling onto the battleground. Demons were next. She had barely fought demons before. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Cullen and his forces fighting from the ground. God, she was so in love with him. The mutant latched onto one of the demons and started slashing at it with her nails, clawing at it until it fell to the ground and disappeared. Adrenaline was fueling her at this point. Adrenaline for love, protection, and the thrill of battle. She smiled and picked up a sword to stab the next demon, effectively having the time of her life.

That was, until, the demon dragon showed up. She wanted to scream in fear and run.. but she couldn't. She saw the Vint and Clarel go after the dragon. She chased after them, ignoring the cries of her friends. They weren't far behind, dodging every attack the dragon dished out on them. Finally, they got to a bridge like structure and witnessed the female warden almost get bit in half. She used the last of her magic to stop the dragon, which in fact, caused it to wreck the bridge and let them fall to their doom. She could only imagine Cullen's face watching them fall to their death.

Or so they thought.

Whenever 24 opened her eyes, she was floating in the air and staring at the ground. Quite an experience actually. She then fell to the ground with a grunt. All of her companions grunted as well, staring around at the atmosphere. It was a strange atmosphere, green, mysterious, scary. "Where are we?" 24 asked, looking at Solas. If anyone knew, Solas would. He was very smart in her opinion. Too smart. "We are in the Fade. Quite remarkable actually, living beings walking through the Fade." She tilted her head. 24 was quite glad Cole was not here, for she guessed her spirit friend would be quite spooked for being in a realm of spirits and demons. "The.. Fade, huh? Theo, you've walked through the Fade, right?" She asked, looking at her pale friend. His skin was almost as pale as hers. His ginger hair was the color of fire. He and Dorian contrasted each other pretty well. "Yes.. but.. I don't remember it very well." He was a nice young man, but a bit aloof at times. 

They began walking through it as spirits began popping up everywhere, as well as.. nightmare demons and desire demons. They targeted Theo and Dorian first. "The fear of not making it work, such pathetic beings coming together in times of desperateness." They both looked at each other and cringed. It then targeted 24. "World Jumper. Worried about convincing everyone that you're perfectly normal. You're relationship is one of loneliness and solitude. Secrets never stay still forever." She looked down at her feet and sighed. World Jumper was such a stupid title. She didn't mean to jump worlds. 

Hawke and Stroud were talking quietly to each other before they began fighting more demons. It was quite stupid. 24 was spaced out on the demon's rant while she was fighting. Theo was finding out the truth about what happened between him and Divine Justinia. She wasn't even paying attention. It was all too much to comprehend. She just wanted to go home to Cullen and cuddle up to him beneath the stars. Her desire for him was growing. A burning feeling in the pit of her stomach that she had never felt before. 

Before she knew it, there was a giant, spider looking demon that was barreling towards them. It was quite terrifying looking. But, they had to make a choice. One of them had to stay behind. It came down to Hawke or Stroud. They eventually chose Stroud, he said that he had lived a long enough life. Goodbyes were said, and they escaped the Fade.

All of them collapsed on the ground, coughing and sputtering, trying to adjust to the feel of the real world again. 24 looked around and made eye contact with Cullen, smiling a toothy and cheeky grin, happy to see her love again.

After the return to Skyhold, Cullen and 24 finally reunited inside of Cullen's office, molding themselves into each other. Lips and tongues connected, tears streaming down both of their faces. "I was.. so scared when I saw you falling." He said, wiping her tears away. "I thought you had left me forever." He frowned, stroking her cheek. 24 frowned as well, remembering what the demon said in the Fade. She pushed it out of her mind and kissed him.

"How could I ever leave you?"


	8. * Together Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and 24 finally do the do :,)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW smut  
> First smut i've ever written, so i'm sorry if it's bad lmao. thank you everyone for the comments and reading this :) i'm enjoying writing this so much and it's far from over

24 was becoming more comfortable with her birth name being said by Cullen. Dorian rarely said it, only in passing. During their alone time, usually playing chess, he would say it. However, she would scold him and remind him of what she liked to be called: 24. That was her name now. It was what was given to her. 0X-24. Compound 10, room 24. It was who she was, what she was meant to be. Nothing more than a number that was tattooed onto her skin, a memory of living in that drab room for five years of her life. 

It had been five days since she fell out of the fade with her companions. It was a terrifying experience, and she still had nightmares about it. The demons, the terrors, the spirits. Sometimes Cole would come and comfort her, hold her hand and tell her stories of better times of her life. It made her nightmares more bearable. 

It was around midnight and 24 was tossing and turning in her bed, unable to sleep. All she could think about was the Fade and what the demon had said to her. What she had experienced at the compound, Nina being shot, being tortured, almost being raped several times. She usually went to Cullen for comfort, but she didn't want to bother him in the dead of the night. He didn't get enough sleep as it was. 24 felt bad for him, the nightmares of the Circle were too great and lingered in his mind too often for him to get a restful nights sleep. She understood, though. The nightmares of the compound disturbed her as well. Needles, the pool, chemo, that dark room, barely any sunlight, training, watching her 'siblings' die. It was too much at times. She hated crying, but it was something that brought her solace. Sometimes Solas would comfort her as well, teaching her to meditate and focus her powers to use for the greater good, but it didn't always work.

Eventually she would have enough of it and self harm again. Another thing she would keep from Cullen. Usually he would find out and try not to yell at her for being so careless about her health, but it was inevitable at this point. She has been self harming since the age of nine years old. Her parents didn't care, so it was weird having someone who cared so much about her.

She loved Cullen. Their budding relationship was the only thing keeping her sane these days. The kisses they shared, their hugs, the warm embraces of love and comfort. The jokes they shared, the stories of their past, good and bad. It brought her an insane amount of joy. However, she was growing a strange physical desire for him. It was almost unbearable. A warm budding between her thighs whenever they would kiss or she would lay on top of him. Often she would dream of them doing.. things. Things that she had never done before. Being a human experiment didn't leave much time to have sexual relations like that. 

She had never been really interested in doing anything with the opposite sex, either. 24 had never really grown that close to anyone. Cullen was her first everything so far. First kiss and first love. It was strange, in a way. She wasn't so sure on how to initiate anything beyond hugs and kisses. Sometimes he would try to be intimate but she would quickly shut him down. He would, of course, understand and they would go back to cuddling. She was just terrified. Terrified of him seeing her scars and her body. Her rail thin body. Ribs shaped like a ladder, scar that was mangled and black as obsidian, her flat tits. She was very self conscious of her body. Whenever 24 was heavier, she was very self confident. Why wouldn't she be? She had no reason not to be. It's not like she was bullied or anything.

Having enough of it, the restlessness, she got up and started trudging to Cullen's office. It was the longest walk of her life. Every so often, she would pause to make sure no one was around. She was pretty sure that everyone knew that they were together, but they could never be too careful. The darkness of Skyhold was comforting, in a way. The peaceful atmosphere, the silence. She was determined to make her way to Cullen's office at this point, not letting her anxieties hold her back. 

A deep feeling pooling in her stomach made her stop right before the door to his office. She could feel his energy still awake, rummaging through papers in his office. Of course he was still awake. Why wouldn't he be? The poor man barely ever slept. Taking a deep breath, she held up an arm and slowly rapped the door.

"Come in." He said begrudgingly, not sure who would be bothering him at this hour. It was as if this place would never let him alone. His annoyance melted away as he saw the soft expression of his love peek through the door, a smile on her face. He stood up and held open her arms for an embrace, one she quickly strode the room to return. "What are you doing up at this hour, love?" He asked, rubbing her back soothingly, kissing her head. "I could be asking you the same thing." She giggled, reaching up to peck him on the lips. The anxiety began setting in again as she remembered the dreams she had. The sweaty bodies tangled together, him on top thrusting slowly into her, whispering endearing and encouraging words that she was doing good. She began to blush a deep grey color and stepped back from him, rubbing her hands together anxiously. "Cullen, can we talk?" His face turned neutral, expecting the worst. She quickly grabbed his hand to quell his fears and smiled.

"Nothing bad, I promise." She smiled and leaned to kiss him on the cheek. 24 took a deep breath and rubbed her thumb and index finger together. She didn't know how to word this correctly. What was she supposed to say, 'Hey, I wanna fuck?'. No, that was too forward. "Cullen, I love you. A lot. I'm deeply in love with you." She said, rubbing his cheek endearingly while smiling. He smiled back and kissed her hand, squeezing her other. "And I want to make love.. with.. you.." He paused and froze, a blank expression on his face. 24 also froze, scared that she said the wrong thing. "If not, that's okay! I probably just ruined everything, didn't I? It must be too soon..." He didn't even give her a chance to finish before embracing her, gently touching his lips to hers. He smiled against her and rubbed her back. "Are you sure? I..uh.. I mean.." He didn't know how to continue his sentence and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I offer myself to you Cullen. Take me." Was all she said before she took off her shirt and let it fall to the ground, shivering slightly from the cool breeze.

Cullen widened his eyes and let his eyes roam all the way from her neck (which he had never seen before) all the way to her pelvis. The scars, each of them told a story. _Maker, she's beautiful._ 24 smiled at this and walked over to him, surprised at her own boldness, she reached for his hand and allowed it to cup her small breast. He began massaging it and bent down to kiss her, wrapping his other arm around her slim waist. She moaned into his mouth slightly and he felt his pants tightening at the sounds spilling out of her mouth. "As much as I'd love to make love to you here on my desk, you deserve a proper bedding." He smiled as he offered her his hand, leading her to his ladder. She obliged and started climbing it, missing how Cullen was admiring the roundness of her bottom while she was climbing up the ladder. Once she got up there, she barely got to open her mouth before Cullen pushed her onto the bed, stripping off his armor, leaving him in a tunic in cotton pants. She could see the outline of him through his pants, sending a jolt of electricity to her core. God, she was in for a treat. 

"Maker, you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on." He said, leaning down to straddle her. She smiled and put her hands to his chest, admiring the feel of his muscles under his shirt. 24 was quite nervous, a permanent blush on her face and she was unsure of what to do next. Cullen took charge and leaned down to kiss and bite at her neck, moans spilling from her mouth. It felt incredible, and she could only imagine what comes next. With a moment of boldness, she cupped him through his pants and began fondling him. Cullen moaned against his next, questioning in his mind whether or not she had done this before.

Obviously, 24 knew she had never done this before. Being a virgin at 20 was a little embarrassing in her opinion. She had just never found the right person to lose it to. "Cullen.. uh.. I'm a virgin." She said, her blush deepening. He pulled away from her and smiled, his member growing stiffer at this. "Are you sure you want to continue? I hate the thought of hurting you?" She knew it was going to hurt from the stories she had heard. But, she was ready. She loved Cullen with everything she had. 24 nodded her head and leaned in to kiss him, but Cullen put a hand to her chest and stopped her, smirking. "I want to hear you say it." 24's jaw slacked and she returned the smirk, surprised at her blushing suitor's boldness. "I want you to fuck me, Cullen." It was Cullen's turn to be surprised. It went from making love to fucking just like that. He moaned and kicked off his pants, allowing his stiff cock to bob free. 24 admired it and widened her eyes, reaching over to touch it. Cullen nodded and put a hand around hers, showing her what to do. She began moving her hand up and down, admiring the velvety smoothness of it. He began moaning and it sent another jolt of electricity to her nether regions, making her grow wetter by the second. She couldn't wait to tell Dorian about this, he was going to be so proud. She didn't even have to go to him for advice.

24 looked up at him lovingly as she wrapped her lips around the head of his cock and he moaned louder. "Hng, Julia.." She blushed and engulfed him further, reaching the back of her throat. He put a hand to the back of her head and grabbed a fistful of hair, slowly facefucking her, trying not to overwhelm her. Surprisingly to 24, she was enjoying the roughness. She began bobbing her head back and forth, swiping her tongue over the head and closing her eyes, moaning around his member. He then pushed her head back. She frowned, wondering if she did something wrong. "I won't last long if you do that, love," He then got down on his knees and began unlacing her boots, "I want to taste you, now." 24 laid back and put a hand over her eyes as he began undressing her. Once she was as naked as the day she was born, he slowly licked her slit and then began devouring her. 24 put a hand to the back of his head and moaned. "Oh my God, Cullen! You feel so good, baby.." This was all she managed to get out before he was totally engulfed in her, licking her up and down, occasionally sticking his tongue inside of her hole. She was about to cry it felt so good. 24 had never masturbated before, so she had never felt so much pleasure in her life. 24 cried out and arched her back, feeling the coil in her stomach unwind as she began cumming, screaming Cullen's name over and over until the after shocks faded away. "Cullen.. I love you." Was all she said before he climbed back on top of her and kissed her deeply, letting her taste herself.

He moaned into her mouth as he positioned himself at her entrance, slowly sliding his cock from her clit to her still spasming opening. "I love you too, Julia. Are you ready?" He asked. She nodded and leaned up to kiss him. "Yes, love. Please, please fuck me. I'm yours." And with that, he slowly began pushing himself inside of her. 24 closed her eyes and breathed, feeling a pinch of pain. It was quickly over and she opened her eyes back up, looking up at the love of her life who was staring down at her with such adoration it took her breath away. "I'm ready." Cullen bent down to kiss her and began moving, slowly thrusting in and out. 24 began moaning, dragging her claws down his back. Cullen grunted and picked up his pace, slamming into her roughly. 24 felt the coil in her stomach began unwinding again as she was getting pounded into. "Cullen! I'm gonna cum again!" The man on top of her moaned and thrusted fasted. "Who makes you feel like this?" He moaned, into her hair, gripping her sides with enough force that they were surely going to bruise tomorrow. "You do!" She yelled, slowly feeling herself unwind. 24 moaned loudly as she felt herself spasm around his cock, tears stinging her eyes from the extreme pleasure.

It was unlike anything he ever imagined, nothing like his fantasies. They were nothing compared to the feeling of her slick, tight heat in real life. His hand was rough, she was soft and wonderful. He loved her so much, fueling his release. He didn't want this to end yet, so he began slowing down. 24 looked at him with tears in her eyes and smiled, leaning up to kiss him, one he returned. His heart was swelling with pride from watching her come undone right in front of him for the second time. "I love you." He said, speeding up his thrusts to chase his own release. He began moaning her name louder, slamming into her hot and tight core. She moaned and felt tears slipping down her cheeks from the pleasure, crying from happiness. He roared as he slammed into her one last time, cumming deep inside of her.

They stared into each other's eyes and smiled. He frowned as he wiped the tears away. 24 merely smiled and kissed him. "Tears of happiness." Was all she said. He rolled off of her and cradled her into his arms, kissing all the way from her hair line to her neck. Nothing could ruin this moment. No nightmares, no demons, Corypheus, bandits, anything. Cullen smiled and snuggled into her neck, softly kissing her nape. 24 giggled and turned over to face him. "That was amazing." She said, stroking his cheek. She never imagined that her first time would feel so amazing, and she couldn't wait for more to come.

"I love you." The both said at the same time, smiling.

They giggled together and kissed, giddy as can be. 24 snuggled into his arms, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes. Trauma forgotten, they both fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, hopeful for the future.. together.


	9. The Static That Speaks My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The static was back. That glorious static. The beautiful ringing in her ears distracting her from the warm embrace of her lover. The buzzing constant, the ringing in the back of her head, the voices whispering secrets meant only for her. The voices were a comfort when she was locked in room 24 in compound 10, allowing her to escape reality and have friends to talk to. They would tell stories of their life, tell her stories of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self harm, suicidal ideations, hallucinations, mentions of schizophrenia  
> She was never truly diagnosed with schizophrenia, but c-pstd can have schizophrenia like symptoms (auditory hallucinations, etc)
> 
> This chapter is very near and dear to my heart. I suffer from bpd/c-ptsd as well as auditory, tactile, and visual hallucinations. I hope you enjoy :-)

The static was back. That glorious static. The beautiful ringing in her ears distracting her from the warm embrace of her lover. The buzzing constant, the ringing in the back of her head, the voices whispering secrets meant only for her. The voices were a comfort when she was locked in room 24 in compound 10, allowing her to escape reality and have friends to talk to. They would tell stories of their life, tell her stories of her life. Sometimes, though, they were terrifying. Right now, however, they were calm, whispering sweet tales of nothingness within her subconscious. 24 knew this was not normal, knew that this didn't happen to everyone. However, she couldn't bring herself to tell anyone. If she did, she couldn't imagine the repercussions that would follow. Would they lock her up again? Would they hurt her, banish her? She didn't want to know. Not opening her eyes, 24 flipped over and had her back facing Cullen, curled up in a fetal position to comfort herself during this dilemma. She considered telling Solas or Dorian about her problems since they were her close friends, but she figured Cullen would be mad about her not coming to him first. However, Solas and Dorian seemed to be very knowledgable on many things. Perhaps they could help her before things got too out of hand.

24 felt her lover stirring beside her and she stiffened, the voices telling her to run and never come back. She ignored them, of course, opting to flip over and stroke his cheek instead. He smiled in his sleep, softly groaning, not quite awake at the moment. Her hand stiffened, the sudden urge to slash her claws across her face. She restrained herself, of course, not wanting to hurt him. The voices were overpowering at this point, not letting her be at peace. She shifted again, rolling to sit up on the bed and sighed, holding her hands up to cradle her head. 24 needed to get out of here, to find a peace of mind from the absolute madness going on currently. The voices telling her to hurt herself, hurt others, kill herself, kill others. It was.. odd. It was not unfamiliar, though. She stared at a dagger across the room and had visions of slitting her neck open once again The beautiful obsidian blood spilling from her neck onto the floor, pooling around her feet. 

Bugs surrounding her body, biting into her corpse, devouring her whole. The voices telling her to rot into oblivion, turn into bones and rotten flesh. She widened her eyes and sighed, trembling slightly. The voices telling her to die, to take everyone with her. To just collapse all of Skyhold into a pile of rubble. She knows she can do it, her powers were strong enough. But she wouldn't, she couldn't.

She looked back at Cullen and found him staring at her, wide eyed and disturbed. She looked down at her hands and it seemed she was, in fact, clutching the dagger by the blade, her blood leaking onto her naked legs. Cullen slowly reached around her and cautiously grabbed the dagger. "I.. I don't know.." She began, looking down at her hand with wide eyes, unsure of when she reached over and grabbed the weapon. 24 swallowed a lump in her throat and felt tears stinging her eyes. "I've been.. off this morning.. but.. I don't know.. I.." A singular tear fell down her cheek and mixed in with the blood on her leg. Cullen set the dagger aside and cradled her in his arms. She cuddled into his chest and sighed, trembling slightly with anticipation. Was he going to yell at her? Belittle her? Shun her? The possibilities. "Why didn't you wake me? You know we've talked about this." He said, stroking her cheek, not caring if her fresh blood was oozing onto his chest. 

She softly cried, shaking her head in confusion. Of course she didn't wake him, she didn't know that the dagger would end up in her hands let alone her flesh! "I.. blacked out. I was hearing voices, seeing visions, and the next thing I knew, I was holding the dagger." She said, wiping the tears from her face, adjusting herself to look at Cullen. She must look like a sight right now, hooded, tear stricken eyes, snotty nose, wet face, blood smeared everywhere. Cullen understood, though. It was all part of the post-traumatic stress. 24 didn't like to think about her time in the compound, but it was who she was. Nothing more than an experiment gone wrong. Steel claws, white hair, mottled skin and black scars. She looked half dead at this point, but she couldn't die. 

_He doesn't care, you know. He's just using you._

_That's right, he took your body for pleasure and now he'll leave you like everyone else._

"No!" She yelled, breaking free from his grasp and jumping to her feet in a defensive stance, ready to fight whoever whispered those blasphemous things in her ears.

_Get mad. It's the truth. You should just die like they want you to._

_Kill everyone too._

"Get out of my head! Shut up!" 24 screamed, pounding her fists into the side of her head in a tizzy. Cullen jumped up and grabbed her arms, hating the thought of putting his hands on her but this was hurting him to witness. "They won't stop!" She cried, fighting against Cullen to harm herself further. He effectively restrained her arms at her sides. 24 stopped fighting, exhausted, and sighed, tears streaming down her face. It was early morning, daylight peaking through the windows and the hole in his ceiling. The warmth of his body was the only thing bringing her comfort. Tears begun stinging his own eyes at the sight of his lover's dilemma, the pain she was in. "Julia.. please, hunny, listen to me. They're not real. I'm real. You're real, you're here, in my arms." He kissed the top of her head and sighed, cradling her in his arms once more. He was considering going to get Solas or Dorian for a remedy. Or hell, even Alexius. One of the mages. If anyone knew anything, it was one of them. "They're real Cullen. They won't stop.. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone.." She cried into his chest, despair in her voice.

He didn't want to leave her, but he had work to do. Perhaps he could just bring her into his office while he did work, keeping a close eye on her. He hated the thought of this, but perhaps he could task Solas, Dorian, and Theo (if they weren't busy) with watching her. Hell, even Cole. They were friends, right? He knew Cole would show up to her room sometimes and talk to her in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep. Cullen wasn't jealous, just thankful she had friends who cared in this shithole of a world. 

"I know they're real to you. I understand, the pain of the memories, the thoughts. I love you so very much, and seeing you in pain hurts me." That sent a pang of guilt through her body, her heart cracking in two at her demise. She hated hurting him, not wanting him to see her like this. The pain was never ending, wracking her body every so often. She so wished she could have her psychiatric medications again. Perhaps Solas could whip something up for her, even something to calm her down at times like this.

It took a full half hour to finally calm down, for the voices to finally calm down as well. She sighed and pulled herself from Cullen, their sticky bodies making a lewd sound after separating from each other. 24 must look a sight right now. Tears, blood, sweat, cum left over from last nights escapades still caked on her thighs. She blushed at the thought. "I'm sorry." Was all she said before bending down to pick up her clothes from last night, the shirt still in his office. Cullen started putting on his clothes in silence as well, digesting all that happened in the last hour or two. "After we dress, I want you to stay with Solas, Dorian, or Theo while I work. Or, if you prefer, you could stay with me in my office. The choice is yours, my love." He said kindly, reaching for her hand. When she obliged, he kissed her knuckles and she giggled, a bashful smile playing on her face. She was no longer a blushing virgin, but still acted the part.

"No offense to you, love, but I may talk to Solas or Dorian to find a remedy for my.. problems." She said, beginning to descend the latter to grab her shirt, the coldness of the morning air making her nipples harden. Cullen nodded and descended as well, stopping at the bottom to admire her body before she put her shirt back on. He smiled and brought her in for a hug, kissing her gently, one she returned. "Come to me if you need anything, and I mean anything." She nodded wordlessly and left, blowing him a kiss before walking out of his office. Luckily, Solas's quarters were right across the strip of battlements, so it was only a minutes walk away. It was the longest minutes walk she had ever had in her life.

Wringing her hand nervously she pushed open the door and saw Solas drinking a cup of tea, doing his usual studying. "You drink tea?" She said softly, walking up to him and smiling nervously, hoping that her entrance didn't startle him. It didn't. It was almost as if he was expecting her. He looked up at her with sharp eyes and gave a courteous smile, waving a hand at a chair beside him, offering her a seat. "Actually, I detest the stuff." She decided not to ask him why he was drinking it, he was a strange one.

"What brings you here so early, my friend?" 24 rubbed her hands together nervously and sighed. _Remember your breathing techniques,_ her subconscious said. It was all in vain, though. This meeting was quickly turning into a panic attack. She wanted to just leave and throw herself off a cliff. Solas stared at her expectantly and patiently, watching her shift nervously while she was trying to find the right words to say.

"Solas, we're friends, right?" She asked. 

_He's not your friend. He hates you._

_He wants to kill you._

She looked down at her feet and sighed, trying not to believe the voices or the static ringing in her ears. Solas smiled and crossed one leg over the other, giving a chuckle full of mirth. "I would certainly hope so, unless there's something you would like to tell me." She shook her head at this fervently, not wishing to end their friendship so soon. 24 wanted to hold onto as many friendships as she could. She unclasped her hands and took a deep breath.

"Do you know anything about.. mental health?" 24 might as well have been staring into his soul at this point. If anyone had a remedy, it would be him. Solas shook his head yes, urging her to continue. "I.. have problems." Well, everyone has problems. Nice one, 24. She lifted a trembling hand to push back her hair out of her eyes. "Problems that... may not be able to be, uh, helped." Solas tilted his head at this and smiled reassuringly. "Everything can be helped, my friend. All you need to do is just tell me." 24 looked down again and sighed. She didn't even really tell Cullen the full extent of her problems, so she didn't really know how to tell Solas. 

"I should give you a quick backstory, first." She was preparing herself. 24 didn't really want more people knowing about her past but she wanted the voices to stop, once and for all. "Whenever I was fifteen, I was kidnapped and sent to a compound. I was locked in room 24, hence my name. I'm not from this world, as you've gathered. I'm from a place called Earth. Anyway, I was dealt a shitty hand in life from the start. Abusive parents, mental health issues, the more the merrier." She paused for a breath. 24 calculated carefully on what to say next. Should she tell him her name? What they had done to her? 

_He wouldn't care. He's not your friend._

_No one is._

_No one loves you._

_Just die already._

She slapped a palm to her head and sighed, exhausted from the stupid voices tearing her brain apart. The young girl looked back up at Solas with tears in her eyes. "I.. I can't stand it anymore!" She yelled, balling her hands into fists. "I hear voices, telling me things, telling me to hurt myself and others. I try not to listen. Usually I end up just hurting myself. But they tell me awful things. They just told me you're not my friend, that you don't care about me. Earlier they told me to cut my throat open with a dagger." Tears began streaming down her face as Solas sat and listened, digesting the information she was telling him. "The things they did to me.. what they said to me.. will always be there, taunting me. They never stop. Haunting me day in and day out." She took a deep, trembling breath, trying to collect herself so she doesn't scare away her friend. Solas merely nodded and waited a moment before speaking.

_He's just going to lie._

_He just feels bad for you._

_He doesn't care._

"It sounds like you're suffering from severe post-traumatic stress and hallucinations." 24 already knew this, and merely shook her head. The hallucinations were usually at bay, and she didn't know why they chose to make an appearance now. Especially after her and Cullen made love, of all times. "I believe I have something that may help." He stood up and crossed his arms. "There are many remedies for mental illness here. I do not know of the treatments back where you are from, but I suspect they differ greatly. Lobotomy, exorcism, restraints, lyrium, herbs." Restraints? That triggered something in 24 and she began sweating, and she never sweats. Exorcisms, lobotomies? No thank you. She shook her head and sighed. She didn't even know what lyrium was. "However, hypnosis and herbal treatments seem to be the best options right now." Back home, they had put her on various antipsychotics and benzodiazepines to quell her breakdowns and hallucinations. They helped, but they had dire addictive properties. "I'd like to try the herbs first." Hypnosis seemed a little unnerving to her, falling into such a deep state of subconscious. 24 was worried about what she would see, what she would do if she woke up from such a state.

Solas nodded and rummaged through a crate of herbs, handing her a carefully wrapped package that had 'Downers' written on it. She had no idea what that meant, but trusted him with her life. She took the package and nodded. "Thank you, Solas." He nodded and sat down, smiling at his friend. "Of course. Eat one leaf twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. You may feel a bit drowsy but it is meant to subdue." Ah, so that is what's it's for. It's what she needs, honestly. 24 nodded and plopped a leaf in her mouth, grimacing at the bitter taste it left as she swallowed it. The effects were almost instant and she yawned, causing a small chuckle to erupt from Solas. "Go rest now, my friend. We will talk later." She nodded and left his study, returning to the battlements. 

24 stared down into the courtyard and noticed Cassandra training, Sera wandering around, Blackwall doing nothing, and the Iron Bull hitting on some poor tavern girl. She shook her head and descended the stairs to return to her room, intending to curl up in her bed to catch up on some sleep she was missing out on. 

Once 24 reached her room, she tucked herself in and closed her eyes, intent on falling into a dreamless slumber.

That obviously didn't happen.

_A cold dark room. Hands reaching up around her, grabbing her all around. She sighed, a comfort she had grown to know, but not necessarily like. The young girl let herself be carried to the training room and sat on the floor, looking up at the cold, dark eyes of the scientist before her. He nodded and handed her a spear. A spear? That was new. She was expecting the usual firearm she was used to. The metal doors opened and 14 walked in. From passing, she only knew his name. Thomas. He was a young, black man with cropped curly hair. He had blank eyes from the shared trauma they had. He stepped forward in a straight jacket, thrashing about in anger. They stabbed him with Ativan and he collapsed to the ground. What was the point of this? 24 wanted to speak up about this but was afraid that the same thing would happen to her. Sometimes they would do this, joint training. It was the only time she saw her 'siblings'. They didn't speak, only interacted when sparring._

_Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a bald elf. Solas. What was he doing here? She wanted to ask questions but it was time to train. They quickly picked up 14 and carried him out of the room. From the looks of it, she was about 17 years old at this point, before she was mutated into whatever she was now. She held up the spear and deflected the first rubber bullet the shot at her. Kid shit. She had been doing this for three years at this point, she was an expert. 24 noticed that Solas visibly cringed at the sound of the gun shooting a rubber bullet. She smirked slightly and deflected the next one._

_24 had passed her trials with flying colors. Spear deflecting rubber bullets. What bullshit. What kind of spear will deflect real bullets? It seemed time had stopped, however. The scientist and soldiers froze in time as Solas walked up to her. "So, your words weren't some childlike fantasy." He said, looking around the room at the frozen adults. 24 looked down at her adolescent body and shuddered. No scars. She looked so different. "I know it seemed like I was lying given my confession." 24 looked around and kicked one of the boots of the soldiers, half expecting them to tackle her to the ground. When they didn't, she giggled and punched them in the face. "They have tortured me, done unspeakable things. But, they made me who I am, brought me to you guys. I suppose that's the only good thing." She sighed and ran a hand over her face. No scars. "Perhaps. But that doesn't excuse the atrocities that occurred here." 24 tilted her head and shrugged her shoulders. She supposed he was right. This didn't happen to anyone. "By the way, how are you here?" She knew she was dreaming, but she didn't know why he was in her dream. This was all so real, she felt like she was back in the compound. "Where do you think you are?" 24 didn't understand the question. They were obviously in the compound. Perhaps he found away to transport them back in time just as Alexius had. Unless.. this was just a dream. "You're not real. This isn't real. This is just a dream, a nightmare." She said, starting to breathe heavier and heavier. Solas merely stood there and clasped his hands together, shaking his head 'no'. "This is a strange occurrence. You are not a mage, not from this world. But, it seems that stepping from the fade you are connected to it. You are in the fade right now, my friend. A place that you are familiar with." 24 looked around, the familiar walls. At this point she could identify the exact number of steel bolts in the walls, how many scientist were in the compounds, all the names of the soldiers, and more. 24 looked at Solas and tilted her head again._

_"So.. this still isn't real." Solas shook his head yes and chuckled. "Come talk to me whenever you... wake up."_

24 jolted awake, beads of sweat running down her slim body. What just happened? Solas invaded her dreams like that? She wiped a hand over her face and sighed, waiting for the voices to come. Except they didn't. She jumped out of bed and headed for Solas's study. It was evening at this point.

Cullen was probably worried about her.

She entered Solas's study and walked up to him. "So, you got a peek into my life before I ended up here. What did you think?" It was quite a straightforward question. Solas tilted his head and closed his book, bringing a hand to stroke his chin. She hoped that he didn't think different of her. "It was interesting. I was half expecting that you were hallucinating, letting your imagination get the better of you. I was wrong, however. I apologize for that. I believe it would be good for you if we do this often, allowing me to look in on your dreams, your memories."

She nodded silently. It could work, some sort of therapy. Therapy for depression had never worked before. She was hardly depressed anymore, only traumatized. "I believe that would work. Thank you, Solas." He nodded silently and she left, going to return to Cullen's office. She knocked before entering and peeked her head through the door. 

"Hello love." Cullen lifted his head and smiled, standing up to round his desk and embracing her.

Today changed her, for the better.


	10. Check in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a check in about interest!

I am getting more comfortable with writing and am realizing that maybe cullen and 24 may not make the best couple. i am considering 24 and cole, actually

i mean, if you think about it, they're both eccentric and can read minds. and they're both quirky and cute :)

i just wanted to know how many people wanted to be up for that, or how many people are actually invested in this story. if there are no comments by tomorrow i am discontinuing this work and redoing it to focus it around cole and 24


End file.
